You Can't Eat Yourself Happy

Though it's sometimes fun to try isn't it??  Well it's fun right in the moment the junk food hits your taste buds but about an hour later (for me sometimes 2-3) you're sluggish, grumpy, and bloated. None of those words sound happy to me. 

It's been a while since I've blogged again, seems I have been internalizing a lot of crap.  On April 30th I had an umbilical hernia repair and I've been left with Frankenbelly and a wandering mind.

The scar itself isn't bad at all though I've never been concerned with scars on my body since I am no stranger to body marks.  However the internals of said scar and the affect it's had on my abdominal muscles is quite surprising.  I'm also constantly worried I'm going to damage something if I try to workout and it usually hurts the next day. I'm babying myself as I tend to when something hurts.  I have been trying to eat my emotions of not having a "summer body" away. The emotions of no longer fitting a size 5/6. The emotions of not being able to wear jeans to work because the pressure on my stomach hurts for days afterwards.  

The emotions of now having a belly button that looks like an anus. 

Don't get me wrong I am SUPER happy I don't have an alien coming out of my stomach anymore but was it entirely necessary to pull it so tight Doc??  

Anyway, I am in full pitty party mode. I have a 4 day outdoor music festival coming up at the end of the month and the thought of walking around in a bikini top is terrifying me.  But you want to know what I KNOW??? 

IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD.

SURE I have more cellulite on my stomach than I've ever had but the Tim Horton's breakfast sandwiches for breakfast are not helping that situation are they???  REALITY is I'm a size 8. I have a 33-34"-ish waist when measured across my belly button but I'm still swollen from surgery. I'm 39" across the widest part of my hips but that's because I'm trying to build an ass not lose it by being a cardio queen.  I can't fit in to my size 5/6 clothes that I wore when I was 118lbs but I'm also 5'6" so being 118lbs results in me walking around looking like a bobble head. 

Bottom line I've been looking in the wrong places for self-esteem validation and I realized this weekend that it's best to clear out that shit. Sell it, give it away, whatever, but having it sitting in a rubber maid bin under my bed taunting me is not the right place for it.  Eating disorders come in many forms and I do believe I have one of them but being aware of it is one of the key points to getting past it.  :)

Menstrual Musings

Well it's been a while since the last posting so why not begin it with PMS talk! WOO!

 

 



Show of hands, who here has issues with "Flo" keeping her appointment dates? She's either late, or early, or keeps popping by for quick visits until your original date night actually comes?  Yeah.

See "normally" dates with Flo go like so:
Flo: HEY! It's our date night!!! I brought wine and some tylenol. :)
Me: Awesome, thanks! See you in 28 days!

For me lately it goes a couple of ways:

Example 1:
Flo: Oh heeeeyyyy! I can't make our date on the 30th so I'm just stopping by now.
Me: Umm, k. It's only the 27th but I'm available.....
Flo: AWESOME! *kicks me in the stomach*. Catch you later!!

Example 2:
Flo: Hey! I'm just stopping in to say hi real quick. I know our date isn't until the 31st but I missed you.
Me: Ummm, ok. Are you staying lo....
Flo: See you later!
*next day*
Flo: Hey! I'm just stopping in again to say hi!
Me: K, but our date isn't for another 4 days, could you just wait until then?
Flo: See you later!

And that goes on for another 4 days then the last part of Example 1 kicks in.

I did finally go and consult with the Doc. and he's sent me to a specialist which happens in March. Most likely it's a hormone imbalance (explains the mood swings) and hopefully it's a quick fix.  I have had everything else tested so this is the last thought. 

So ladies feel alone no longer! I too experience the inconsistent , fickle, friendship of "Flo".  I still thinks she plays favourites however......

The 1 Year Bucket List

I think the term "New Years resolution" has gotten a bad name.  Simply because alot of people just don't follow through with what they have set aside to accomplish. This year I'm writing a physical list of things that I will be able to check off as I complete them.  I'm going to take it everywhere with me just in case a moment arises that allows me to do something on my list.  This will be my 1 Year Bucket List. 

This list is, at it's core, a list of actual goals I wish to accomplish this year. Things from establishing a core editing style photographically (see chantelledionephotography.blogspot.com for that side of me), to scheduling in family and friend time.  The things on the list can be as big or as small as you want I just feel that having a physical list, reminding me of the things I want my year to be filled with, will help me remember how I want this year to go. 

Now the list doesn't have to be finished in it's entirety this year (though that's the plan), some things will just simply take a little longer and that's fine.  The purpose is for me to have a guideline. It feels like I've just been running around doing things but not making real progress, not really enjoying life either. 

Ok, fine, I simply have a thing for lists. lol  Seriously, they're pretty awesome. ;)

So with all that being said, here's to a productive, purposeful 2014! What would be on your list? I'd love to hear. :)

Attack Of The 1 Foot Long Maxipad

DISCLAIMER:
This blog talks about periods, pads, and tampons. If any of those make you uncomfortable I suggest you read further and join in the hilarity. :D

Ladies. Maxipads. Uuuggghhhh. RIGHT?  We all know the doctors advise not to sleep with tampons hanging out in your body but we all do it anyway.  That is until we start having some possible issues which cause us to remember those important words and which then cause us to succumb to purchasing these miniature diapers as our mothers did for us when we were but a wee tween. 

Now men, just so you know, buying tampons is TOTALLY accepted these days. You go in, you grab a box, you pay, no one looks at you twice. BUT when you venture out of the feminine hygene aisle carrying a package of these bright colored, "They aren't diapers but they SOUND like diapers when you walk"/ "Have a happy period said no one EVER", contraptions, women will completely clue in to what you have in your hands. Not only that, they KNOW the color combinations for the different varieties as well. So when you walk out of that aisle, trying to conceal the package under a magazine, know that even the women at the other end of the store can see the bright orange tab indicating "OVERNIGHT PROTECTION" and look at you with a face of "Oooooohhhhh noooooooooo" like you've tucked your skirt in to the back of your underwear.

Being that I have ignored my doctor's advice for years, I am no longer privy to the details of said items, especially the OVERNIGHT PROTECTION version I have been forced to acquire.  Details, you ask?  Actually more like DETAIL.

Just one.

Which one?

THE ONE WHERE SOMEONE FORGOT TO TELL ME THE THING IS 12 INCHES LONG!!!!

That's right. 12 INCHES.  1 FOOT for those who need to compare the measurement with a sub sandwhich. 

It could be that I grabbed the wrong size. I don't know IS there even sizing for these things?? In tampons we have the following:
Light: "It's just sprinkling"
Regular: "Nothing out of the ordinary to see here!"
Super: "Don't worry it's just a flesh wound"
Super Plus: "You might want to get that looked at but they make the size so I'm sure you're fine."

These can all come in one package too in case your body has NO idea what it's doing and you need to prepare boy scout style.

Anyway, back to the maxipad. I could use this sucker to treat a head wound! I could use it as a HAMMOCK for Barbie Dolls (why didn't I think of that when I was a KID???).  I could even use it as a beer coozie. I would too.

So ladies, for those of you who wear these ridiculous, diaper wannabes, on a regular basis I am standing up RIGHT NOW and starting a slow clap.  I'm serious.  You can make these as thin as you want "Always" but they STILL CRINKLE WHEN YOU WALK! Like a small plastic bag hanging our in your crotch. It's like trying to pop out a piece of gum in the middle of a quiet movie theatre except in this case NO ONE is going to want a piece.

At all.

Ever.

Basic Curvatures

The state of the "basic curvature", if you will, of women is something that is CONSTANTLY being talked about. Are models too skinny? Are "plus size" models too skinny? What IS plus size anyway? Are Lululemon pants just expensive clothing made for skinny people?  If you've seen the news lately then you know that last one is a HUGE issue right now and many a Facebook rant has been posted. 

The Lulu issue has sparked a few of my friends on Facebook, who have amazingly honest and "Stop feeling sorry for yourself" attitudes like my own, to post on the subject which then makes me post on the subject because the rants are incredible.  What is ironic is I was having a conversation with a girl friend of mine about how fit chicks like us have issues just fitting in to "normal" clothes because of our curves.  I came to the conclusion that all women have issues with clothes regardless of the size of your pants and that we need to start letting go of that stupid tag number and just wear what FITS. 

I had that very idea pointed out to me by my good guy friend, Shane.  He said "For guys, we have NO idea what the tag says. We go in, pick something out, if it doesn't fit we find a size larger and continue on."  You mean they don't DWELL??? They don't have a minor melt down in the change room over the fact that the size 6 pants they've been wearing for a year suddenly don't fit in the ass or quads because of our glorious, hard earned, muscle?  That their favourite dress hanging in the closet no longer fits in the back because of the pull ups they've been desperately trying to complete? 

Well first of all I don't think they would be looking at a dress in their own closet (well maybe, I don't know lol) but you see my point.  We put so much focus on that stupid number it drives us to eating disorders, to break downs. I am an advocate of being healthy at whatever size you are.  My weight fluctuates more than I'd like and I have a bit more curves this year than last and, yes, I did have a week of minor melt downs and tantrums when I couldn't fit my favourite dress, but I also have to look at the bigger picture.  WE have to look at the bigger picture.  My goals currently are muscle building. That results in certain changes. Suck it up buttercup.

Ladies I urge you to start dressing for your body. Buy clothing that fits and not something that gives you an instant muffin top. If you're not fitting in to your current clothes, assess the reason why and possibly make some changes. Either in your routine or your clothes, whichever way you want to go.  Don't get mad at large corporations for being honest as to the fact they don't carry sizes larger than 12 or whatever it is they're saying.  Business it business, it's not supposed to be personal.  What's personal is how you feel about yourself. Know that ALL women are having the same issues you are in that change room. I have gotten stuck in a shirt because of my back. I almost got stuck in a pair of pleather leggings because of my ass, ok? I'm there with ya! 

Be healthy, be happy, be yourself, and be happy with being yourself.

Music For My Soul

It's been a bit since I blogged. Heck it's been a bit since I steadily worked out! But today's blog isn't going to be about fitness, no, today's blog is about getting back to something I've been missing for a while.

Music.

For those who don't know, music has been a part of my life from a very early age. At 7 I "discovered" my voice. At 16 I decided to finally take vocal lessons after singing with the likes of Celine Dione, Whitney Houston, and Maria Carey in the comfort of my room for the previous 9 years. At 17 I finally took the leap into public singing by entering my hich school's talent show.  At 20 American Idol was all the rage and singing competitions of the like were popping up all over Winnipeg. I entered every.single.one. and didn't win anything until 2004 at the age of 23.  About 4 years ago I stopped singing publicly altogether, due to the lack of joy it brought me, minus a large country music festival's contest which I entered mostly to get tickets for the weekend.

I have NO shame admitting that by the way. :)

In the last 5 months I did some thinking and reflecting on my years of the competitive fitness lifestyle and on how many things I didn't have time for while training because of it.  I then made the decision I was going to take at least a year off from competing to focus on my relationship with working out and food, then re-evaluate my feelings after that. In the meantime I vowed to engage in something I have missed out on. 

I decided to join a choir! :D  The Stonewall United Church's Christmas Cantata choir to be exact!

I haven't been this excited and nervous in YEARS. Nervous because choirs are serious business. I have been singing country music for 12 years with one other choir experience probably 6 years ago. I haven't hit my soprano high notes since, well, 6 years ago. Oddly enough, though rusty, they were still there last night. I actually managed to keep up with the well seasoned singers! lol To hear the harmonies of my soprano group against the female altos and the tenor and baritone men was music for my soul and made me feel complete again. 

I can't wait for our performance in December. :) 

Phase 2 - Week 2 ~ DO OVER

Since I'm going to be spending some extra time in Phase 2 anyway I figured I could get away with sacrificing this week because everything just got to be too much.  I photographed a gorgeous wedding last weekend along with an engagment session, couple that with The Attack of the Killer Uterus and my full time job being a gong show, I am tapped. 

Like a keg after a frat/sorority party........just blowing foam. 

I took out alot of my starchy carbs for this week because eating them and not using my muscles would just make me fat and well, Jamaica is in 18 days. lol  I'm not sure what this will do to my progress but whatever. In the third week of this phase we start to calorie count and do higher and lower calorie food days before we start carb cycling in Phase 3.   I'm not going to switch to that until I get back from holiday so I can continue building muscle.  And well not have to think so much about what I'm doing. lol