You Can't Eat Yourself Happy

Though it's sometimes fun to try isn't it??  Well it's fun right in the moment the junk food hits your taste buds but about an hour later (for me sometimes 2-3) you're sluggish, grumpy, and bloated. None of those words sound happy to me. 

It's been a while since I've blogged again, seems I have been internalizing a lot of crap.  On April 30th I had an umbilical hernia repair and I've been left with Frankenbelly and a wandering mind.

The scar itself isn't bad at all though I've never been concerned with scars on my body since I am no stranger to body marks.  However the internals of said scar and the affect it's had on my abdominal muscles is quite surprising.  I'm also constantly worried I'm going to damage something if I try to workout and it usually hurts the next day. I'm babying myself as I tend to when something hurts.  I have been trying to eat my emotions of not having a "summer body" away. The emotions of no longer fitting a size 5/6. The emotions of not being able to wear jeans to work because the pressure on my stomach hurts for days afterwards.  

The emotions of now having a belly button that looks like an anus. 

Don't get me wrong I am SUPER happy I don't have an alien coming out of my stomach anymore but was it entirely necessary to pull it so tight Doc??  

Anyway, I am in full pitty party mode. I have a 4 day outdoor music festival coming up at the end of the month and the thought of walking around in a bikini top is terrifying me.  But you want to know what I KNOW??? 

IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD.

SURE I have more cellulite on my stomach than I've ever had but the Tim Horton's breakfast sandwiches for breakfast are not helping that situation are they???  REALITY is I'm a size 8. I have a 33-34"-ish waist when measured across my belly button but I'm still swollen from surgery. I'm 39" across the widest part of my hips but that's because I'm trying to build an ass not lose it by being a cardio queen.  I can't fit in to my size 5/6 clothes that I wore when I was 118lbs but I'm also 5'6" so being 118lbs results in me walking around looking like a bobble head. 

Bottom line I've been looking in the wrong places for self-esteem validation and I realized this weekend that it's best to clear out that shit. Sell it, give it away, whatever, but having it sitting in a rubber maid bin under my bed taunting me is not the right place for it.  Eating disorders come in many forms and I do believe I have one of them but being aware of it is one of the key points to getting past it.  :)

Menstrual Musings

Well it's been a while since the last posting so why not begin it with PMS talk! WOO!

 

 



Show of hands, who here has issues with "Flo" keeping her appointment dates? She's either late, or early, or keeps popping by for quick visits until your original date night actually comes?  Yeah.

See "normally" dates with Flo go like so:
Flo: HEY! It's our date night!!! I brought wine and some tylenol. :)
Me: Awesome, thanks! See you in 28 days!

For me lately it goes a couple of ways:

Example 1:
Flo: Oh heeeeyyyy! I can't make our date on the 30th so I'm just stopping by now.
Me: Umm, k. It's only the 27th but I'm available.....
Flo: AWESOME! *kicks me in the stomach*. Catch you later!!

Example 2:
Flo: Hey! I'm just stopping in to say hi real quick. I know our date isn't until the 31st but I missed you.
Me: Ummm, ok. Are you staying lo....
Flo: See you later!
*next day*
Flo: Hey! I'm just stopping in again to say hi!
Me: K, but our date isn't for another 4 days, could you just wait until then?
Flo: See you later!

And that goes on for another 4 days then the last part of Example 1 kicks in.

I did finally go and consult with the Doc. and he's sent me to a specialist which happens in March. Most likely it's a hormone imbalance (explains the mood swings) and hopefully it's a quick fix.  I have had everything else tested so this is the last thought. 

So ladies feel alone no longer! I too experience the inconsistent , fickle, friendship of "Flo".  I still thinks she plays favourites however......

The 1 Year Bucket List

I think the term "New Years resolution" has gotten a bad name.  Simply because alot of people just don't follow through with what they have set aside to accomplish. This year I'm writing a physical list of things that I will be able to check off as I complete them.  I'm going to take it everywhere with me just in case a moment arises that allows me to do something on my list.  This will be my 1 Year Bucket List. 

This list is, at it's core, a list of actual goals I wish to accomplish this year. Things from establishing a core editing style photographically (see chantelledionephotography.blogspot.com for that side of me), to scheduling in family and friend time.  The things on the list can be as big or as small as you want I just feel that having a physical list, reminding me of the things I want my year to be filled with, will help me remember how I want this year to go. 

Now the list doesn't have to be finished in it's entirety this year (though that's the plan), some things will just simply take a little longer and that's fine.  The purpose is for me to have a guideline. It feels like I've just been running around doing things but not making real progress, not really enjoying life either. 

Ok, fine, I simply have a thing for lists. lol  Seriously, they're pretty awesome. ;)

So with all that being said, here's to a productive, purposeful 2014! What would be on your list? I'd love to hear. :)

Attack Of The 1 Foot Long Maxipad

DISCLAIMER:
This blog talks about periods, pads, and tampons. If any of those make you uncomfortable I suggest you read further and join in the hilarity. :D

Ladies. Maxipads. Uuuggghhhh. RIGHT?  We all know the doctors advise not to sleep with tampons hanging out in your body but we all do it anyway.  That is until we start having some possible issues which cause us to remember those important words and which then cause us to succumb to purchasing these miniature diapers as our mothers did for us when we were but a wee tween. 

Now men, just so you know, buying tampons is TOTALLY accepted these days. You go in, you grab a box, you pay, no one looks at you twice. BUT when you venture out of the feminine hygene aisle carrying a package of these bright colored, "They aren't diapers but they SOUND like diapers when you walk"/ "Have a happy period said no one EVER", contraptions, women will completely clue in to what you have in your hands. Not only that, they KNOW the color combinations for the different varieties as well. So when you walk out of that aisle, trying to conceal the package under a magazine, know that even the women at the other end of the store can see the bright orange tab indicating "OVERNIGHT PROTECTION" and look at you with a face of "Oooooohhhhh noooooooooo" like you've tucked your skirt in to the back of your underwear.

Being that I have ignored my doctor's advice for years, I am no longer privy to the details of said items, especially the OVERNIGHT PROTECTION version I have been forced to acquire.  Details, you ask?  Actually more like DETAIL.

Just one.

Which one?

THE ONE WHERE SOMEONE FORGOT TO TELL ME THE THING IS 12 INCHES LONG!!!!

That's right. 12 INCHES.  1 FOOT for those who need to compare the measurement with a sub sandwhich. 

It could be that I grabbed the wrong size. I don't know IS there even sizing for these things?? In tampons we have the following:
Light: "It's just sprinkling"
Regular: "Nothing out of the ordinary to see here!"
Super: "Don't worry it's just a flesh wound"
Super Plus: "You might want to get that looked at but they make the size so I'm sure you're fine."

These can all come in one package too in case your body has NO idea what it's doing and you need to prepare boy scout style.

Anyway, back to the maxipad. I could use this sucker to treat a head wound! I could use it as a HAMMOCK for Barbie Dolls (why didn't I think of that when I was a KID???).  I could even use it as a beer coozie. I would too.

So ladies, for those of you who wear these ridiculous, diaper wannabes, on a regular basis I am standing up RIGHT NOW and starting a slow clap.  I'm serious.  You can make these as thin as you want "Always" but they STILL CRINKLE WHEN YOU WALK! Like a small plastic bag hanging our in your crotch. It's like trying to pop out a piece of gum in the middle of a quiet movie theatre except in this case NO ONE is going to want a piece.

At all.

Ever.

Basic Curvatures

The state of the "basic curvature", if you will, of women is something that is CONSTANTLY being talked about. Are models too skinny? Are "plus size" models too skinny? What IS plus size anyway? Are Lululemon pants just expensive clothing made for skinny people?  If you've seen the news lately then you know that last one is a HUGE issue right now and many a Facebook rant has been posted. 

The Lulu issue has sparked a few of my friends on Facebook, who have amazingly honest and "Stop feeling sorry for yourself" attitudes like my own, to post on the subject which then makes me post on the subject because the rants are incredible.  What is ironic is I was having a conversation with a girl friend of mine about how fit chicks like us have issues just fitting in to "normal" clothes because of our curves.  I came to the conclusion that all women have issues with clothes regardless of the size of your pants and that we need to start letting go of that stupid tag number and just wear what FITS. 

I had that very idea pointed out to me by my good guy friend, Shane.  He said "For guys, we have NO idea what the tag says. We go in, pick something out, if it doesn't fit we find a size larger and continue on."  You mean they don't DWELL??? They don't have a minor melt down in the change room over the fact that the size 6 pants they've been wearing for a year suddenly don't fit in the ass or quads because of our glorious, hard earned, muscle?  That their favourite dress hanging in the closet no longer fits in the back because of the pull ups they've been desperately trying to complete? 

Well first of all I don't think they would be looking at a dress in their own closet (well maybe, I don't know lol) but you see my point.  We put so much focus on that stupid number it drives us to eating disorders, to break downs. I am an advocate of being healthy at whatever size you are.  My weight fluctuates more than I'd like and I have a bit more curves this year than last and, yes, I did have a week of minor melt downs and tantrums when I couldn't fit my favourite dress, but I also have to look at the bigger picture.  WE have to look at the bigger picture.  My goals currently are muscle building. That results in certain changes. Suck it up buttercup.

Ladies I urge you to start dressing for your body. Buy clothing that fits and not something that gives you an instant muffin top. If you're not fitting in to your current clothes, assess the reason why and possibly make some changes. Either in your routine or your clothes, whichever way you want to go.  Don't get mad at large corporations for being honest as to the fact they don't carry sizes larger than 12 or whatever it is they're saying.  Business it business, it's not supposed to be personal.  What's personal is how you feel about yourself. Know that ALL women are having the same issues you are in that change room. I have gotten stuck in a shirt because of my back. I almost got stuck in a pair of pleather leggings because of my ass, ok? I'm there with ya! 

Be healthy, be happy, be yourself, and be happy with being yourself.

Music For My Soul

It's been a bit since I blogged. Heck it's been a bit since I steadily worked out! But today's blog isn't going to be about fitness, no, today's blog is about getting back to something I've been missing for a while.

Music.

For those who don't know, music has been a part of my life from a very early age. At 7 I "discovered" my voice. At 16 I decided to finally take vocal lessons after singing with the likes of Celine Dione, Whitney Houston, and Maria Carey in the comfort of my room for the previous 9 years. At 17 I finally took the leap into public singing by entering my hich school's talent show.  At 20 American Idol was all the rage and singing competitions of the like were popping up all over Winnipeg. I entered every.single.one. and didn't win anything until 2004 at the age of 23.  About 4 years ago I stopped singing publicly altogether, due to the lack of joy it brought me, minus a large country music festival's contest which I entered mostly to get tickets for the weekend.

I have NO shame admitting that by the way. :)

In the last 5 months I did some thinking and reflecting on my years of the competitive fitness lifestyle and on how many things I didn't have time for while training because of it.  I then made the decision I was going to take at least a year off from competing to focus on my relationship with working out and food, then re-evaluate my feelings after that. In the meantime I vowed to engage in something I have missed out on. 

I decided to join a choir! :D  The Stonewall United Church's Christmas Cantata choir to be exact!

I haven't been this excited and nervous in YEARS. Nervous because choirs are serious business. I have been singing country music for 12 years with one other choir experience probably 6 years ago. I haven't hit my soprano high notes since, well, 6 years ago. Oddly enough, though rusty, they were still there last night. I actually managed to keep up with the well seasoned singers! lol To hear the harmonies of my soprano group against the female altos and the tenor and baritone men was music for my soul and made me feel complete again. 

I can't wait for our performance in December. :) 

Phase 2 - Week 2 ~ DO OVER

Since I'm going to be spending some extra time in Phase 2 anyway I figured I could get away with sacrificing this week because everything just got to be too much.  I photographed a gorgeous wedding last weekend along with an engagment session, couple that with The Attack of the Killer Uterus and my full time job being a gong show, I am tapped. 

Like a keg after a frat/sorority party........just blowing foam. 

I took out alot of my starchy carbs for this week because eating them and not using my muscles would just make me fat and well, Jamaica is in 18 days. lol  I'm not sure what this will do to my progress but whatever. In the third week of this phase we start to calorie count and do higher and lower calorie food days before we start carb cycling in Phase 3.   I'm not going to switch to that until I get back from holiday so I can continue building muscle.  And well not have to think so much about what I'm doing. lol

LiveFit Phase 2 Week1 ~ CAAARRRDDDIIIOOOO and girly muscles

NEVER have I been more happy to see the word cardio before. Ever. Infinity.  After 4 weeks of basically carb loading I was starting to feel pressurized.  Though the muscle gains were welcomed the constant full feeling was not.  That being said, it was required for 4 weeks to not do cardio. I can now see why people were having daily freakouts when this program first came out.  It's a daunting task to eat all that food, lift all that weight and stay away from anything related to cardio. 

This week felt MUCH different and the only changes were the cardio and no starchy carbs for dinner. What a DIFFERENCE!  No pressurization, midsection is starting to tighten up, yet I'm still making gains. Happy, happy, happy!

So since Phase 2 ends close to my trip to Jamaica I'm going to continue for a bit in phase 2 and move on to Phase 3 when i get back. Phase 3 starts the serious leaning out process with carb cycling which would be too hard to keep up with while on holiday.  The good part about staying on Phase 2 for a while longer is the extra muscle I'll gain, definitely not complaining there. :)

Living Fit - Week 2

Week 2 is in the bag and we're on to week three. I will admit my diet blew over the weekend but I'm lucky I'm in the building phase. Some extra carbs never hurt anyone trying to gain muscle, right? lol 

My body this past week really embraced the extra food as I figured it would. Now it's saying "FEEED MEEE" instead of "There's no room at the inn." I'm still feeling fluffy which I expect I will for a bit so during my Jamaica trip in 6 weeks I'll have to embrace the fluff. ;)  It's giggly muscle fluff but it's still fluff. Whatever it's my body and I'm feeling really good about the progress I'm making.

So, on to week three of 4 in this first phase, not much is changing right now except for an added leg day, yay! lol  I'm really impressed with the changes I've seen just in the last 2 weeks. It's amazing what simply eating more and simple lifting can do for the body. Over all VERY happy thus far and will obviously continue. I'll be bringing all the info I need to Jamaica with me because I still like to workout while on holidays.  Hubby and I usually have the schedule of eating breakfast then we head back to the room, get our gym stuff on and hit the resort gym. I have the most energy at around 10am but every other day of the week I'm sitting at a desk. Like I am right now. lol  So to me being able to workout when I feel the best is like a holiday. :)

Has anyone else started the program yet, or maybe completed the program?
C

LiveFit - Week one done

I thought I would do a bit of a review of the first week of Jamie Eason's LiveFit program. The first thing that comes to mind is: FOOOOOOOD. SO much food. NOT a horrible thing I just still haven't figured out how to get all the meals in.  The workouts are quick currently. There is NO cardio in the first phase, which of course makes you feel even more like a house because of all the food and carbs you're eating BUT there is a method behind the madness. :)  The workouts themselves take me about 30 mins though they are effective. I'm not complaining at all though sometimes I feel like I'm not doing anything since I'm used to being at the weights for 60 mins at least. 

Week 2 is going to be the same as last week though I think the workouts change slightly (I haven't printed them out yet. lol) It's 7 weeks until our trip to Jamaica for our 5 year wedding anniversary so I may not be as ripped as I was hoping but I'll be on my way. lol

So that's it for this week, I'll check back in a week to let you know how week 2 went. :)

Live Fit, Have Fun

Ever since Jamie Eason's LiveFit Training program came out through bodybuilding.com, I have been pining over trying it. Jamie "let herself go" to complete it herself, her now husband and family completed it as well and the results were fantastic. I've always like Jamie's way of thinking though. The "I don't count calories" way of life works well for me. Just tell me serving size and I'm happy. :)  So today marks day one of me on the LiveFit Program! I'm super excited. There's alot of food in Phase 1 and by alot I mean 6oz of protein in one meal. That's alot of meat people. I think I may split it between my meat protein and some avocado come to think of it.  Anyway, the program gives you alot of of wiggle room in the way of customization. There is a list of approved foods and you can plug them in where it's listed on the food guide. There is a women's and men's version by the way. This isn't just for the female folks.

Another of my favourite aspects of this program is that for all of Phase 1, that's 4 weeks, there is NO cardio. None. Nada. Don't you dare step on that treadmill.  I read ALOT of comments when this program first came out and people's heads were exploding over this concept. When you've spent as much time as I have waking up at 5am for fasted cardio, regardless of how good you feel when you're done, you do a little happy dance to just be focusing on weights. This phase is crucial for building muscle and there is a science behind it so trust the process, follow the rules, and detach yourself from the literal rat race. ;)

I'm going to take progress pictures tonight though I'm not excited about that. No I haven't been diligent the last 2 weeks that I've been out of the "gym" due to an over zealous Costco shopper who slammed her cart in to my heel.  No shoes with backs for this lady. That being said I have enjoyed myself. No take backs. lol 

If anyone is interested in checking out the LiveFit program go here http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jamie-easons-livefit-introduction.html. Read all of the info watch all of the videos and get your butt moving. Then come back and check in. :)

Money Doesn't Grow On Bikinis

But it SHOULD. Unless you have a competition bikini and sell that bikini then well technically money comes from bikinis but that is NOT the point I'm trying to make here.

If you haven't figured it out yet, competing costs money. LOTS of money.  And while my husband and I are financially stable we have had some life events and added responsibilities that have caused us to take a step back and say "Not gonna do it" a la Dana Carvey. What I'm saying is that I have decided to post pone my next competition by not competing in Fitness Star Winnipeg September 14th 2013.  As much as I was looking forward to stepping on that stage as a Level 3 competitor there will be time for that in the future. :)

In the meantime, my focus will turn to maintaining and bettering my current physique. As well as working with my sponsors, Gorilla Jack, on column writing as well as some vlog opportunities with my fellow Gorilla Girl, Chelsea Shand. If anyone has any ideas for vlog content such as product reviews, question answering, or just straight up shennanigans, let me know!!

"Desire increases when fulfillment is postponed"
 - Pierre Corneille

16 Weeks

Do you know what kind of people diet over the summer?? CRAZY people! Or crazy smart people.  That's right, it looks like I'll be starting prep for the September Fitness Star show THIS Saturday!!  Oddly enough I am ridiculously excited. There are a number of firsts happening for this show that are going to blow everything out of the water.

1) I am currently 135lbs.  I have NEVER started a show prep at 135lbs.  This means I have 16 weeks to dial in to about 120-122lbs. Insert evil laugh here. ;)

2) As I mentioned above I am dieting through the summer.  Crazy? Maybe. Crazy smart? Definitely.  Who doesn't want a wicked beach body for summer? I feel mentally balanced enough to not worry about what I could be missing. I see summer like Christmas at this point, and I ALWAYS diet through Christmas.  I got this.

3) Ok so this one is and isn't a first but my hubby and I are training together AGAIN! That's right, not only are we doing 1 show together this year but TWO shows this year! We made a ridiculously good team and I am so excited to do it over again. 

I'll take progress pics on Saturday. I am pretty soft around the mid section but that's to be expected since I'm not doing any extra cardio to keep me really lean.  I'm happy right now with how I look and when I REALLY clean up my diet things will pop back in to place.  :)

Check Up and In

So we are almost 3 weeks post competition, I'm sitting around 135lbs which is an extremely manageable spot for me.  My waist measurements are up about 3 inches because honestly I can't maintain a 26" waist. I just can't, and that's fine.  Between PMS bloat, carb bloat, "I don't like what you just fed me" bloat, etc, etc, it's not possible. It might be eventually, but right now it's not.  I can't explain what it is with my midsection, I'm not a doctor, I'm back to crapping once a day, whatever.  Moving on.

I have yet to do the morning cardio thing, maybe THAT would take down my midsection an inch or two.  I just love sleep right now. lol  That being said it's getting brighter earlier in the mornings and as soon as my dogs see sun they are up with the birds.  (which also piss me off when I have the windows open. Late to bed early to rise, what the hell?? Chirping at 5am is NOT cool people)  My food intake is streamlined during the week, I have my plan, I like the food, I don't feel like I'm restrained, it makes me happy. Ketchup on my egg muffins at 10am makes me HAPPY.  Like Phil Robertson from Duck Dynasty happy.

Fitness Star International Winnipeg is about 4 months away, that's the ultimate goal right now, so the plan is to maintain until my trainer extrordinare tells me otherwise.  Hubby and I are heading to Jamaica for our 5 year anniversary on August 13th which will be 4 weeks away from the show.  I plan on enjoying myself. That doesn't mean stuff my face but I'm going to enjoy myself. :)  I paid for the damn trip, how much damage could I really do in a week anyway?

Balancing Act

Some days this post comp balance shit can really suck.  Let's be real, most of us can't just go back to "normal life".  I still have to weigh my food, portion everything out, and keep the junk to a minimum.  In truth I don't mind really, I've been doing it for the last 5 months so I feel out of sorts if I don't plan things the same way.  But my body is still adjusting to food in general and my appetite is INSANE!  I inhaled 6 pieces of pizza last night and stopped myself for going back again because I knew it would be bad news. Oddly enough my body didn't blink an eye at the pizza but it reacts over protein pancakes.  Go effing figure.

I'm back to working out this week, which feels fantabulous.  Again one of those things that made me feel out of sorts, not hitting the weights right after work.  I may do a couple of sessions a week of morning HIIT just to defluff a tad plus I just feel better when I wake up early and do something with myself.  Don't get me wrong, I love sleeping, and I'm REALLY good at it, but the day just goes better when I've done a few interval sprints in the morning.

For now the plan is maintenance.  WAY easier said than done but I think I'm doing relatively well considering.  I haven't touched my scale in about 5 days which is the way I want to keep it.  I know those things are pure evil so why not practice what I preach??  I think it's currently hidden under rolls of toilet paper which, for a procrastinator, is clearly too much work. ;)

The After - Thank Yous, Details, and Ramblings

FINALLY I have gotten around to writing my post show blog.  Now that the tan has mostly worn off and I've had the week to remind myself that eating crap will result in me looking like crap, I can reflect on the last 2 weeks. But before I do that I have ALOT of thank yous.

1) To my husband.  When you and I decided we were going to do the show together the first thing that came in to my head was us not talking for 4 months. But something amazing happened, we had a BLAST! We became this well oiled machine that could workout, prep food, pack lunches within a couple hours. This show brought us to another level in our relationship and I can't wait to do it all over again for September. :)

2) My mom.  My number one freakin fan 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  Thank you for buying chicken when it was on sale. Thank you for watching our 3 dudes when we left for the competition.  The words "thank you" don't feel like enough for all that you do for us all the time.  xoxo

3) My friends!! Who listened to me whine, complain, babble about the same things all the time because I couldn't remember if I told you. Talked me down from food ledges, ALWAYS asked how I was feeling/doing.  I love you all.

4) My sponsors Gorilla Jack.  Martin the All Seeing All Knowing and Barry the Gentle Giant.  You are more than just sponsors you are my friends. Always making sure I was feeling ok during prep, answering every question I ever had, and bringing me peanut butter for my birthday. 

5) My trainer Ainsley McSorley.  I was a basket case at the beginning of this prep. My mind would change from one minute to the next.  I'm sorry I sent so many emails. lol  You pushed me hard because you knew I needed it and I thank you.  I haven't felt this good for a year and you helped me get back here.  xoxo

6) Everybody else. There are so many other people who would check in through Facebook and email etc so I just wanted to say you are just as much a part of this as everyone above. Thank you. :)

NOW, let's get down to the good stuff. 

The competition: Fitness Star International
The place: Brandon, Manitoba

When I saw the FS show in Winnipeg in November 2012 I KNEW I had to compete in it. Regardless of my loathing at the time for competitions, I knew FS was something different.  It was just what I needed.  Michael Ryan and James Erdt are the most down to earth people, REALLY wanting to connect at the ground level with the athletes.  Being able to talk directly to the powers that be makes me feel like I'm really a part of something.  That I'm not just another number on the stage.

The show itself is unlike any other show.  There's a live DJ on the stage spinning tunes to get everyone excited and pumped.  I don't think anyone realizes what up tempo music can do for a person who is dehydrated and full of rice and potatoes. lol  The calibre of athletes is amazing, everyone so friendly and wanting to know your story.  This makes for a great backstage environment! 

Since the show was 2 hours away from home, hubby and I had to bring everything we needed with us. The hotel room was packed. We even brought our own blankets, sheets, and towels so we wouldn't get in trouble with the hotel for staining them with tanner. (that crap doesn't come out of anything).  I have to say I thought being away from home would be stressful but it was fanastic.  I did all my own hair and makeup which gave me time to rest a little more and really enjoy the process.  My poor husband was so sick but he was an absolute trooper through the show. What he lacked this show he'll definitely make up for in September. 

Fast forward to now, being a week post show, this part was the part that worried me the most. Last year I gained about 10-15lbs within a couple of weeks from stress binge eating. It hurt, ALOT.  As usual I stressed and planned and made sure I constantly had an inner dialogue with myself about food.  My mantra being "Food is not connected to your emotions."  While I have indulged in a few treats and cheats, it has been NO where near the amount of food I ate last year.  The majority of my day is filled with clean eats however it's just that second last meal of the day, supper if you will, that gets me every time.  I did take the week off from working out to let my body recoup some. This was mostly due to a chest cough that intensifies the more I breathe. Awesome, right? It feels like it's starting to get better but regardless, Monday is my official workout start back date. I'm excited to be honest. I have felt WAY out of sorts letting myself rest this week. I know my body needed it, obviously since I haven't been sick in years, but knowing that I long to be up in the morning doing cardio and hitting the weights right after work tells me I am finally getting to the place I've been longing for.  For right now I'm just trying to function as a normal, healthy person, prepping clean foods that I like to eat from a guideline my trainer has given me.  For some dumb reason this is harder than it seems. For the last 4 months I've been reading my food off a paper on my fridge and to be able to plug in whatever protein/carb/fat I want makes my mind turn to mush. lol  That being said, repetition should fix all of that. I hope.

SO! My current motivation for eating clean and working out is the FS show in September.  Now that I've lost my 20lbs I am finally in the proper starting position for a really great prep.  I am definitely on my way to finding balance this summer and just having an over all fantastic year.  Thank you again to everyone who was a part of this amazing journey. :)

Peaka de Weeka

Well I have arrived.  5 days out from my competition, 2 days in to my peak week, and surprisingly yesterday's 8 litres were reasonably easy to get in.  (about 2 gallons for my US friends).  The only thing I hate is I become extremely tired during peak week. I really don't think I should be making my 25 minute treck to work, ESPECIALLY when there is a blizzard outside today, but I don't want to take too much time off work.  However if I deem myself too ridiculous I will take an extra day for the safety of others around me. lol

Yesterday was my last posing class before the show.  While I have my bikini poses down I haven't been practicing walking in my dress for the Glamour category.  How does one pose with clothes ON?? ;)  Seriously, I focused so much on our half naked poses I forgot about the clothed poses. Anyway, google and youtube are my best friends this week and my basement is now a runway. Which is really no different then usual because I'm CONSTANTLY posing. I'm a proud poser. :D

Since this show is 2 hours away from us I am taking half of Thursday off so that I can get my long winded workout in and start our food prep for Friday and Saturday that way hubby and I aren't running too far in to the evening. This will give us time to start applying our tanner etc as well and have some relax time before we leave Friday.  All in all I think hubby and I are reasonably prepared for the fact we're going to be away from home for this show.  We have such a great system down for our workouts and food prep, I don't think it will be a problem post show to continue with.

So, here we go! I can't wait for the team meeting on Friday to see everyone and converse! Oh and the 10oz of red wine I get Friday night. Weeeee! ;)

Yet Another 2 Week Countdown

I'm pretty sure I post this video EVERY time I'm 2 weeks away from something. My birthday, a competition, a vacation, it works for everything.  This is not only my 2 week go to "celebration" this is also me acknowledging that the original Total Recall was EPIC and extremely well done for it's time. Screw you CGI, you ain't got nothing on the 80's.

So, here we are again! 2 weeks out from competition. The point where you're either a) Extremely excited or b) Extremely annoyed that you decided to do ANOTHER competition. I switch between A and B constantly.  Hubby and I still have alot of prep work we have to do outside of training. Shopping for category outfits, getting our tanning stuff in order, I have girly makeup stuff to purchase.  You know, all the things you leave until the last possible minute. lol  I'll probably start packing things up next week so I know I won't forget anything. It's not like we're a 20 minute drive from home this time, we're 2 hours away from home this time.  If you don't bring it, you better figure out where to get it. ;)

Training otherwise is going well besides the constant hunger. I'm trying to remember to reach for water during those times and not stand in front of the fridge, staring at the peanut butter jar. WHICH I have since hidden behind stuff in the fridge.  Now all I can stare at is tilapia, steak, chicken, and asparagus.  Oh and occasionally eggwhites.  Man I miss those.  I don't know what my peak week looks like yet but I'm assuming the master mind that is Ainsley McSorely is scheming as we speak. lol  Just putting this out there if you're reading this Ains: tilapia instead of tuna? hahaha!

Well here's to another countdown.  I will probably wait until peak week to blog again since it's ALWAYS interesting what the body does when you're downing 8 litres of water a day for 2-3 days. :)

Doctor's Orders

In January of this year I started the process of finally getting my bloodwork and body checked by my doctor. Unfortunately it wasn't because I'm the type of person who regularly gets that done, no, it was because of depression, low libido, 2 to 3 week long periods and excruciating cramps. (though the cramping I've always had)  I finally got in to the doctor's office today to follow up with him on my tests, a phone call I had to make myself by the way. According to the receptionist "No news is good news" if they don't call you back.

YeahIdon'tthinkso.

My doctor basically confirmed during our meeting what my husband and I were thinking all along; my fast tracked weight gain coupled by the huge stresses we were facing last year (a year ago pretty much to the date) caused my body to get supremely pissed off and pout in a corner like a toddler.  This time last year I was 2 weeks post competition, stressed to the max with life stuff, and feeding my emotions with ridiculous amounts of food and wine.  I had so much water retention that my breasts almost exploded.  I swear to the Gods. It was painful.  These habits continued and I continued to spiral and my body spiralled along with me. 

Today however was good news.  My hormone and iron levels are perfectly fine, my ovaries show no signs of polycystic ovary syndrome, and since getting back to a healthy lifestyle my mentral cycle is less crazy. As am I. :)  My doctor has urged me to continue on the path I'm on which, after too much trial and error, is currently the plan. Operation: Balance will be in full effect post competition in 3 weeks. 

If you're reading this post, and are feeling like I was feeling (tired, depressed, unbalanced, emotionally eating, wonky menstral cycles, cranky, bitchy, basically the 7 dwarves of a crappy lifestyle), take your life by the vagina (thank you Betty White), and do something about it!!! It's going to be HARD, you're probably going to cry a few times, you're going to fight cravings as you decrease the JUNK in your life. You're going to be too damn tired to be active but I GUARANTEE you once you start, the change will make you want to keep going because you're going to know I wasn't lying.  If you don't know WHERE to start, ASK! I know professionals who can help you get started in the right direction. :)

Take my doctor's orders, get healthy, stay healthy, be happy. Find BALANCE.

The Perfection Problem

Man I am on a ROLL! I don't blog for a month and now it's all I think about. :)  What is the inspiration you might ask? For those of you not stuck being my friend on Facebook therefore forced to see me posting things, it's the post competition blues.  Yes I haven't even gotten to my competition yet but I'm already thinking about afterwards.  I'm starting to realize, no not starting to I already realize this, I am taking more stock in the fact that, it is THE MOST important part of this whole process.  What is the point of spending 4 months dieting and working out for literally one day of fabulousness only to let it blow up (literally as well) when the day is finished?  I let stress get the best of me last year and I spent weeks in horrible physical pain.  My boobs felt like they were going to EXPLODE as the water, the fat, and whatever else leaves my boobs when I diet, came rushing back extremely angry. 

Anywho

Whilst creeping Facebook over my lunch hour I was directed to the page of Brooke Erickson, an IFBB pro Figure competitor. Also a nutrition specialist AND a mother who has managed to find complete and utter balance in her life.  A balance I am 100% envious of and vow to find this year.  In her very first vlog she talks about the Perfection Problem that encapsulates us all, particularly women, and particulary women that compete in Bodybuilding type events.  Though it does make a good point to everyone, including males.  This vlog is complete perfection and her genuine way of putting it in to words is too.  It had me crying at my desk at the end while she was staring right in to that camera and telling me to not strive for perfection, to be happy with who I am. That it's perfectly ok to not have a melt down should I not get my workout in one day.   But to work out because I want to be healthy, do it because I love it and progress.  She might have thought it was rambling but I could have sworn is was the word of a Goddess, I'm not going to lie. lol  I don't know why the lightbulb didn't make the connection before but it's starting to now and that's all that matters.  :)