I have been one whiney baby the last little while. I've been in such a funk, throwing a month long tantrum, honestly just wanting to drink wine, eat junk, and get fat. This is the person I was before I found bodybuilding, way before I started competing, and who I fight with every day.
I feel alot of people think that once you've "transformed" yourself, once you've made the decision to get healthy, work out, compete, etc, that it becomes easy to do, that it's second nature, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. I met Miryah Scott when she visited Winnipeg and had a brief conversation with her on how her inner fat girl (her words lol) tries to get the best of her every damn day. This coming from a woman who took 3 WBFF world titles consecutively in 3 years after having competed once before. Alot of her motivation, I assume, comes from having to keep fit for photo shoots, appearances, general schmoozing but I really don't think she would say it's ever easy, even now.
Bottom line, I'm so done with feeling sorry for myself and I am DEFINITELY done with this yoyo sh!t I've done for the last 3 years. This year though I had begun to try to find balance the scales tipped and I let life take me on a roller coaster ride. We made some not so good pit stops and I gained 10 more pounds than I wanted to post competition. Contrary to what you might think I don't, in fact, like doing the "My pants won't go past my ass" dance every morning. On the bright side my extra fluff is going to make some damn nice muscles and my ass will look fabulous strutting that Fitness Star Stage come April 2013. Oh, did I mention I'm competing?? Yup, you heard that right!! Come back tomorrow for my blog about Fitness Star International, the incredible show they put on in Winnipeg, and why I decided to hitch my waggon to their horses.
C
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Friends In Places
I have met some amazing people on my fitness journey. Heck one of them is now my best friend! I'm sponsored by an amazing, local, supplement company (*cough*gorillajack.com*cough*) who not only help me with my supplementation needs but my mental health too. lol I have a trainer who is not just my trainer but is also a good friend, supporting me through everything that's been going on lately. I have also become good friends with one of the top fitness photographers around, Pink Elephant Photography, who really stand behind and beside local and Canadian athletes. It's relationships like these that make this industry what it is. It's not the stage, it's not the trophies, it's the life long connections that come out of the experiences. The one thing that I have to remember with these connections is that the support doesn't end once you're off the stage, once you've stopped training for a bit, or once you've gained 20lbs again. ;) No these people, who are genuinely concerned with your well being, are still thinking of you even if you haven't talked in a while or haven't stopped by for a bit.
The prime example of the above is the lovely Casey, one half of Pink Elephant Photography, let me know that she had to unfortunately pass me over for a modeling job because of my current state of fitness, or non-fit-ness. While I was disappointed it was realization that I was still in her mind that made me re-think what I've been doing and not doing. What goals I have and what goals I really want to achieve. The stage is fun, the journey there can be taxing but when I get to the goal it's worth it. Modeling on the other hand is something I've always wanted to do but could never figure out how until 4 years ago when I became a part of the fitness industry. To know that I am on the minds of some amazing people for amazing opportunities is completely humbing, mind blowing, and a kick in the face all at the same time.
Right after Casey had told me about the opportunity I was yelling at myself in my head, all the while knodding and smiling and agreeing that it was THE perfect job for someone like me.*
*Like me meaning: In her 30's but still looks young enough to be 25 and not too ripped (when I'm fit) that I don't look unappealing to the target market*
All things considered, the fact that I missed out is really ok. Obviously I would have given my left boob or a toe to have done it but honestly it's ok. :) I've accepted that I'm taking the long way around. I have also accepted that I'm not the instant success story who becomes awesome over night and takes over the world. My style is a little more subtle, a little more Bruce Banner experimentation and less Hulk smash. The one thing I am sure of is that I have an amazing support team that extends much farther than I realized and I am extremely lucky to have it. And where normally I would use those facts to put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to do something incredible right away, I'm now directing it in a more "extended motivation" kind of way. These people are here for me year round. Training, not training. Sane, insane. As well as reminding me that I have the potential to achieve the things I set out to achieve.
Thank you. <3
The prime example of the above is the lovely Casey, one half of Pink Elephant Photography, let me know that she had to unfortunately pass me over for a modeling job because of my current state of fitness, or non-fit-ness. While I was disappointed it was realization that I was still in her mind that made me re-think what I've been doing and not doing. What goals I have and what goals I really want to achieve. The stage is fun, the journey there can be taxing but when I get to the goal it's worth it. Modeling on the other hand is something I've always wanted to do but could never figure out how until 4 years ago when I became a part of the fitness industry. To know that I am on the minds of some amazing people for amazing opportunities is completely humbing, mind blowing, and a kick in the face all at the same time.
Right after Casey had told me about the opportunity I was yelling at myself in my head, all the while knodding and smiling and agreeing that it was THE perfect job for someone like me.*
*Like me meaning: In her 30's but still looks young enough to be 25 and not too ripped (when I'm fit) that I don't look unappealing to the target market*
All things considered, the fact that I missed out is really ok. Obviously I would have given my left boob or a toe to have done it but honestly it's ok. :) I've accepted that I'm taking the long way around. I have also accepted that I'm not the instant success story who becomes awesome over night and takes over the world. My style is a little more subtle, a little more Bruce Banner experimentation and less Hulk smash. The one thing I am sure of is that I have an amazing support team that extends much farther than I realized and I am extremely lucky to have it. And where normally I would use those facts to put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to do something incredible right away, I'm now directing it in a more "extended motivation" kind of way. These people are here for me year round. Training, not training. Sane, insane. As well as reminding me that I have the potential to achieve the things I set out to achieve.
Thank you. <3
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
The Follow Up
After my last blog I was bombarded, no not the right word, inundated (there we go) with people commenting and messaging me words of encouragement as well as sharing their own private struggles and I really hope I sounded sincere over the interwebs when I said thank you because I truly and absolutely am. I'm not naive to think that I'm the only one struggling with what I'm hearing is now coined as "First World" problems, but sometimes people hide their struggles very very well. Rightly so I suppose, I just tend to have an issue with the filter part of my mouth/brain and use this form of media as therapy. :)
Since the last blog I have been beginning to add elements of my old routine back in to my life. Last week wasn't perfect (Sorry Ains) and this week may not be either but the way I see it I'm moving in the right direction. Thoughts of competing are still in my head however thankfully I am no longer filled with overwhelming thoughts of doubt and anxiety. I think something may have been released with the publishing of my last blog. Something I needed to get out and not just to my friends and family but to everyone. Sometimes I have moments where I think it was highly selfish and conceited to post all of it, that people would be assuming it was for attention, but then I remember all of the people who contacted me directly to tell me their trials and tribulations and I remember the motivation behind it all, behind everything I do. To help people by sharing my experiences. Sure this blog is a very small piece of the puzzle but if you're looking for subjects of conversation such as constipation, Carb Zombies, and non-evil Stepmothers, I've got you covered. It's the least I can do. ;)
Since the last blog I have been beginning to add elements of my old routine back in to my life. Last week wasn't perfect (Sorry Ains) and this week may not be either but the way I see it I'm moving in the right direction. Thoughts of competing are still in my head however thankfully I am no longer filled with overwhelming thoughts of doubt and anxiety. I think something may have been released with the publishing of my last blog. Something I needed to get out and not just to my friends and family but to everyone. Sometimes I have moments where I think it was highly selfish and conceited to post all of it, that people would be assuming it was for attention, but then I remember all of the people who contacted me directly to tell me their trials and tribulations and I remember the motivation behind it all, behind everything I do. To help people by sharing my experiences. Sure this blog is a very small piece of the puzzle but if you're looking for subjects of conversation such as constipation, Carb Zombies, and non-evil Stepmothers, I've got you covered. It's the least I can do. ;)
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Living On The Edge
There comes a time when a person has to take a step back from the craziness of life and get perspective of what's going on around them. This week I had to do just that. A lot has happened this year, most of it within the last 4 months. Anyone who checks this babble from time to time will know what I'm talking about but for those just stopping by here's the run down.
In the beginning it was just my husband and I, roaming freely, all the time in the world. Then we got a dog because we got a bigger house, and well I couldn't resist his cute furry face staring back at me from my computer screen. We formed a new routine around the dog and it was working. Then this past March circumstances arose that brought the possibility of us having my step son full time which did end up happening in June of this year. All of a sudden I went from a fur mom to a full time step mom to a 13 year old boy.
We were extremely happy and for my husband, who had been parenting for 13 years already, this change was a no brainer. (or so it seemed anyway. Obviously there's learning curves) For me on the other hand, I had been spending the last year and a half training a dog to sit, stay and lay down. The commands were simple! I remembered them, the dog remembered them (though he has selective hearing), we were good. I knew nothing about parenting a human child minus the parenting I received from my own mother, whom I think did a pretty freakin good job by the way. ;) So here's me, faced with the challenge of being a good role model, using the tools I learned from my mom, and hoping to the Gods I didn't screw anything up.
I'm going to be straight up honest here (surprise I know!) and admit that I live with anxiety about alot of things all the time. Simple things like money and driving to areas in Winnipeg I've never been to. I handled it my own way, spending a whole day mapping out where I'd have to go. Making sure if I got lost I knew the streets in and around the area I was travelling, printing everything off including street views if there are any for the buildings in the area, having all of my bases covered. So when it came time to prepare for Stepmotherhood I did what I normally do, I tried to prepare. I tried to find books and articles about it that related to me, which is more difficult than you would think for my particular situation, and did you know that ALL Stepmothers are made out to be evil?? Seriously every book, article, all of it. I need to fix that.
Anyway, I'm rambling. To get to the point my anxiety couldn't handle that there was nothing for me to prepare with. Nothing for me to have in my hands to refer to on this journey. I'd panick, have crying fits. I stopped working out so I could focus on adapting to our new situation because I couldn't figure out how to fit it in. I can now honestly say I understand when people say "I don't have time to work out." Because didn't. And with not working out, the eating slipped and though my husband and I, who worked with me through all of my freakouts bless his heart, managed to squeak in a few workouts here and there, our original plan was no longer the plan. We needed a new plan.
In the midst of figuring out a new plan we got a new dog which was actually the best thing we could have done. Before all of the above happened we were planning on it anyway and we decided to follow through. He fit right in to our routine and has provided extreme comic relief in times of stress and for that I'm thankful. As well as a new dog I started a new venture and decided to explore my love and apparent talent for photography. I not only volunteer with a local rescue, Manitoba Mutts Dog Rescue, as a photographer but word has spread and I now have the pleasure of photographing engagements, weddings and families. It makes my free time not so free but I am honored to be a part of the industry and hope to make more of a name for myself in the future.
Now let me get back to the first sentence of this long winded blog. If you made it this far I thank you for reading my story. :) There comes a time when a person needs to take a step back from the craziness of life and get perspective of what's going on around them. My original new plan was to start my MABBA competition training and head for the stage in 2013. I had fallen off the waggon and decided to start walking in my own direction, as per a previous blog, and I wanted to get back on the righ path. I contacted my fantastic trainer, Ainsley McSorely, we put together a plan and the day after I got it, while I was shopping for groceries, I found myself having the all too familiar anxiety at the thought of competing amidst the craziness that is currently my life. I was in the frozen veggie isle trying to decide between broccoli and green beans when the attack came and I was in a haze for the rest of the day. I continued to have an internal battle with myself about whether to compete, whether I was mentally ready for that challenge and I came to a conclusion.
I'm not.
After sleeping on it and talking to my husband and my trainer I realized that, it's ok that I'm not ready! What's not ok is that I'm out of sorts from my routine, from the goals that I had set for myself. So I have a new plan, a flexible plan, that will allow me to decide as I go what I want to do. There is an extreme amount of opportunity coming to Manitoba in 2013 regarding the fitness industry so I will have the option of choosing what's right for me. I will still of course be working with Gorilla Jack on my supplement reviews and possible blogging which I am very much looking forward to. Expect the same honesty there as you do here. ;)
Of course my hubby, as usual, is working with me towards similar goals. He is my rock and I couldn't have gotten through alot of things without him so to have him as my spotter both in life and in the gym makes me feel extremely blessed. Together we will get through the challenges life has brought us and come out of it bonded closer than ever. Also I cannot forget my family and friends who listen to me blab on about all of my anxieties. You could tell me to shut up because really, they're first world problems, but you don't. Thank you. :)
Thank you all who have made it to this point. It's a long one I'm aware but there's alot to be said, alot I wanted to put out there. One of my goals in life is to always be honest, regardless of the consequences, simply because that's who I am. The more I put out there the more chance I have of helping someone who is going through the same thing and thought they too were alone.
<3
In the beginning it was just my husband and I, roaming freely, all the time in the world. Then we got a dog because we got a bigger house, and well I couldn't resist his cute furry face staring back at me from my computer screen. We formed a new routine around the dog and it was working. Then this past March circumstances arose that brought the possibility of us having my step son full time which did end up happening in June of this year. All of a sudden I went from a fur mom to a full time step mom to a 13 year old boy.
We were extremely happy and for my husband, who had been parenting for 13 years already, this change was a no brainer. (or so it seemed anyway. Obviously there's learning curves) For me on the other hand, I had been spending the last year and a half training a dog to sit, stay and lay down. The commands were simple! I remembered them, the dog remembered them (though he has selective hearing), we were good. I knew nothing about parenting a human child minus the parenting I received from my own mother, whom I think did a pretty freakin good job by the way. ;) So here's me, faced with the challenge of being a good role model, using the tools I learned from my mom, and hoping to the Gods I didn't screw anything up.
I'm going to be straight up honest here (surprise I know!) and admit that I live with anxiety about alot of things all the time. Simple things like money and driving to areas in Winnipeg I've never been to. I handled it my own way, spending a whole day mapping out where I'd have to go. Making sure if I got lost I knew the streets in and around the area I was travelling, printing everything off including street views if there are any for the buildings in the area, having all of my bases covered. So when it came time to prepare for Stepmotherhood I did what I normally do, I tried to prepare. I tried to find books and articles about it that related to me, which is more difficult than you would think for my particular situation, and did you know that ALL Stepmothers are made out to be evil?? Seriously every book, article, all of it. I need to fix that.
Anyway, I'm rambling. To get to the point my anxiety couldn't handle that there was nothing for me to prepare with. Nothing for me to have in my hands to refer to on this journey. I'd panick, have crying fits. I stopped working out so I could focus on adapting to our new situation because I couldn't figure out how to fit it in. I can now honestly say I understand when people say "I don't have time to work out." Because didn't. And with not working out, the eating slipped and though my husband and I, who worked with me through all of my freakouts bless his heart, managed to squeak in a few workouts here and there, our original plan was no longer the plan. We needed a new plan.
In the midst of figuring out a new plan we got a new dog which was actually the best thing we could have done. Before all of the above happened we were planning on it anyway and we decided to follow through. He fit right in to our routine and has provided extreme comic relief in times of stress and for that I'm thankful. As well as a new dog I started a new venture and decided to explore my love and apparent talent for photography. I not only volunteer with a local rescue, Manitoba Mutts Dog Rescue, as a photographer but word has spread and I now have the pleasure of photographing engagements, weddings and families. It makes my free time not so free but I am honored to be a part of the industry and hope to make more of a name for myself in the future.
Now let me get back to the first sentence of this long winded blog. If you made it this far I thank you for reading my story. :) There comes a time when a person needs to take a step back from the craziness of life and get perspective of what's going on around them. My original new plan was to start my MABBA competition training and head for the stage in 2013. I had fallen off the waggon and decided to start walking in my own direction, as per a previous blog, and I wanted to get back on the righ path. I contacted my fantastic trainer, Ainsley McSorely, we put together a plan and the day after I got it, while I was shopping for groceries, I found myself having the all too familiar anxiety at the thought of competing amidst the craziness that is currently my life. I was in the frozen veggie isle trying to decide between broccoli and green beans when the attack came and I was in a haze for the rest of the day. I continued to have an internal battle with myself about whether to compete, whether I was mentally ready for that challenge and I came to a conclusion.
I'm not.
After sleeping on it and talking to my husband and my trainer I realized that, it's ok that I'm not ready! What's not ok is that I'm out of sorts from my routine, from the goals that I had set for myself. So I have a new plan, a flexible plan, that will allow me to decide as I go what I want to do. There is an extreme amount of opportunity coming to Manitoba in 2013 regarding the fitness industry so I will have the option of choosing what's right for me. I will still of course be working with Gorilla Jack on my supplement reviews and possible blogging which I am very much looking forward to. Expect the same honesty there as you do here. ;)
Of course my hubby, as usual, is working with me towards similar goals. He is my rock and I couldn't have gotten through alot of things without him so to have him as my spotter both in life and in the gym makes me feel extremely blessed. Together we will get through the challenges life has brought us and come out of it bonded closer than ever. Also I cannot forget my family and friends who listen to me blab on about all of my anxieties. You could tell me to shut up because really, they're first world problems, but you don't. Thank you. :)
Thank you all who have made it to this point. It's a long one I'm aware but there's alot to be said, alot I wanted to put out there. One of my goals in life is to always be honest, regardless of the consequences, simply because that's who I am. The more I put out there the more chance I have of helping someone who is going through the same thing and thought they too were alone.
<3
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
The Weighted Wagon
The phrase "On the wagon" actually originated in the late 1800s and was used to represent those who chose a sober life. The wagon was actually a water cart and it meant that people would rather climb it to quench their thirst than drown themselves in a bottle. Nowadays it's used in all sorts of variations and one in particular is the wagon of living healthy. Today's wagon however seems to cause alot of stress in people's lives and we're constantly jumping off for that sweet treat or burger then spending the rest of the day sitting in the middle of the road feeling sorry for ourselves.
Screw the wagon, I'm walking.
I can happily say that I have picked my sorry ass up off that dirt road and started walking in the right direction. I have no intention of catching up with that wagon because it don't find it comfortable to ride. Balance is an extremely hard thing to find in life and to me, constantly trying to keep up to someone else's wagon doesn't seem like the right way to go about finding it.
Stop chasing the wagon and start walking your own path, whereever it may take you. The road blocks you may come across are ALOT easier to walk around than to drive around on that silly wagon. :)
Screw the wagon, I'm walking.
I can happily say that I have picked my sorry ass up off that dirt road and started walking in the right direction. I have no intention of catching up with that wagon because it don't find it comfortable to ride. Balance is an extremely hard thing to find in life and to me, constantly trying to keep up to someone else's wagon doesn't seem like the right way to go about finding it.
Stop chasing the wagon and start walking your own path, whereever it may take you. The road blocks you may come across are ALOT easier to walk around than to drive around on that silly wagon. :)
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Double Trouble
Well I'm happy to report that I'm getting back in to the regular routine of training and eating things that are natural to the earth. lol (wine should be included in that by the way!) I am the first to admit, I have no balance currently when it comes to off season and in season life. These are the challenges I face everyday, trying to win against the Procrastinator. I have only just finished year two of training, that's two years out of thirty one that I've conquered. I think that's pretty damn good.
With that being said I am also happy to report that I am not venturing in to 2013 on my own! Nope! My wonderful hubby has decided he is joining me on the road to Carb Zombie-ism! Seriously though I cannot be more excited. Not only will it make training easier but dieting as well because this year I won't be forced to pick up chocolate chips for my husband's protein pancakes. *ahem* Love you honey.
My hubby has chosen to train online with Mr. Joseph Donnelly, a person I've only just come to follow but I can honestly say this guy knows his stuff. He offers an extremely reasonable online rate and TONS of information. Despite being across the interweb, Joe is extremely hands on with his clients. As for me I am going to be joining Oxygen's glute girl, Ainsley McSorely, once again on Team JACT for my 2013 competitive season. Official training should be resuming in November ish but in the meantime I'll be following along with the hubster to make the transition of a 2 athlete household easier.
Note to self: Look in to raising chickens and turkeys. Meat protein is too damn expensive.
With that being said I am also happy to report that I am not venturing in to 2013 on my own! Nope! My wonderful hubby has decided he is joining me on the road to Carb Zombie-ism! Seriously though I cannot be more excited. Not only will it make training easier but dieting as well because this year I won't be forced to pick up chocolate chips for my husband's protein pancakes. *ahem* Love you honey.
My hubby has chosen to train online with Mr. Joseph Donnelly, a person I've only just come to follow but I can honestly say this guy knows his stuff. He offers an extremely reasonable online rate and TONS of information. Despite being across the interweb, Joe is extremely hands on with his clients. As for me I am going to be joining Oxygen's glute girl, Ainsley McSorely, once again on Team JACT for my 2013 competitive season. Official training should be resuming in November ish but in the meantime I'll be following along with the hubster to make the transition of a 2 athlete household easier.
Note to self: Look in to raising chickens and turkeys. Meat protein is too damn expensive.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Change Your Mind, Change Your World
I spent so long not realizing how simple it was to change the direction I was going in life. So freakin long! Only after my first competition did it really click in my head that if I just changed my mind, broke my current pattern, I would be on a whole other path.
Now my epiphany involved changing my lifestyle and getting healthy, that may not be the case with you. But it seems to be the choice that makes THE BIGGEST difference in people's lives and the way they see it. This morning I read the Facebook status of a friend who is now 1 year smoke free and 3 weeks ago he couldn't jog 2 laps around a track. Today he did 6 laps and I guarantee the moment he hit the 3rd and 4th lap, realizing he could still continue past that, was the moment he realized that by changing your mind you can change your world.
I did the same thing (again) this week. Confession time! I've been slacking, falling in to bad habits, letting life direct me instead of directing my life. We have had some changes in our household, I'm now a full time step mom to a 13 year old and we have just gotten ourselves another dog. Crazy? Just about. Ha! But just because the dynamics are changing it doesn't mean we have to sacrafice anything, it just means that we have to re-adjust our usual habits. So this week I got back to eating my regular clean food, waking up in the morning for cardio, doing the things I was doing before everything changed.
With the help of my awesome husband we are going to travel this new path with success. So much so that we are BOTH going to compete in March 2013. It's going to be interesting, two people dieting in one household, but as long as I keep the Carb Zombie in check we will survive. lol
Now my epiphany involved changing my lifestyle and getting healthy, that may not be the case with you. But it seems to be the choice that makes THE BIGGEST difference in people's lives and the way they see it. This morning I read the Facebook status of a friend who is now 1 year smoke free and 3 weeks ago he couldn't jog 2 laps around a track. Today he did 6 laps and I guarantee the moment he hit the 3rd and 4th lap, realizing he could still continue past that, was the moment he realized that by changing your mind you can change your world.
I did the same thing (again) this week. Confession time! I've been slacking, falling in to bad habits, letting life direct me instead of directing my life. We have had some changes in our household, I'm now a full time step mom to a 13 year old and we have just gotten ourselves another dog. Crazy? Just about. Ha! But just because the dynamics are changing it doesn't mean we have to sacrafice anything, it just means that we have to re-adjust our usual habits. So this week I got back to eating my regular clean food, waking up in the morning for cardio, doing the things I was doing before everything changed.
With the help of my awesome husband we are going to travel this new path with success. So much so that we are BOTH going to compete in March 2013. It's going to be interesting, two people dieting in one household, but as long as I keep the Carb Zombie in check we will survive. lol
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