I went for my assessment last night and though the results could have been better, they could have been worse. It is after all only 2 weeks since I started training hard again after becoming a lazy slob and drinking wine instead of water. Despite the short amount of training time, I think I had a bit of a Total Recall moment on the way home. (the original not the rebooted crap) If you need a refresher, here's the visual
It's only been 2 freakin weeks Chantelle.
On my drive home I had the time to reflect on the work I put in through those 2 weeks. Was I really pushing as hard as I could? No. Was I following my diet 100%? Yes. Do you even want to freakin do this anyway?? I really do.
Last year I said I would find balance and stop the horrible rebounding, I failed. I had a plan and I failed to execute it! The year before I said the same thing and the same thing happened. 3rd time's a charm maybe?? lol I guess we'll see.
We're over half way through January and I'm 2 weeks in to contest prep. Yup, I'm in it, living, loving it to a degree, and trying to not let it define me. I've been sitting here wishing I hadn't let myself get so far gone but there's no use in pondering it. I can' puke up the Tim Horton's breakfast sandwiches I ate, nor the wine I consumed (Both my 2 "foods I consumed in excess". Is wine a food though?), so why bother with the stress?
After 2 weeks of trying to time out 6 meals a day, one including salmon which I despise, and workouts that make me question my mental strength more times in an hour than I have in my whole life, I am down 5lbs. I don't know the measurements as of yet but my ass isn't as giggly and my muffin fluff isn't as, well, fluffy. I know that this season I 10000000% made the concious decision to put myself here. I wrestled with it, lost sleep over it, emotionally ate about it. This prep feels different in a way I have no words for currently. Check back later though as I plan on scouting the google thesaurus. :)
While I'm disappointed in how far out of control I got, I know what happened, I know EXACTLY how I got here, and I know that no weights and too much bad food make Chantelle go something something. ;) (If you got that, high five!) I currently like to think that I did a case study on myself and the effects that working out has on mild depression and stress. My conclusion is that eating good food and doing good work in the gym are two of the best drugs around. :)
If you have followed Tosca Reno, celebrity fad diets, or read a fitness magazine you have probably heard about Braggs Organic Apple Cider Vinegar. Or as the cool kids call it, ACV. In my usual fashion I've been "getting around" to trying this stuff because not only does it help assist in weight loss but it assists in digestion, wards off sickness, helps your skin, and a bunch of other fantastic things as listed in this article below. :) http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-3598/7-Reasons-to-Love-Apple-Cider-Vinegar.html
If you haven't tried this stuff before don't let the name fool you. It does not taste like apples nor does it taste like cider. I'm starting to think the name is as it is just to get you to drink it. lol It actually tastes very similar to Balsamic Vinegar which makes me want to put it on my salad. Instead however I'm putting 2 tablespooons in a shaker cup with 5oz of water and downing it like an alcoholic downs wine. Or I guess like I down wine. ;)
I have just started this process yesterday and on average (by speaking to other people) after about 2 weeks you really start to notice a difference in bloating, skin texture, etc so I will definitely be keeping everyone up to date on my experiences. With my constant issues in digestion and bloating what do I have to lose by drinking this stuff twice to three times a day?
If you want to know more about Braggs ACV and it's amazing "Mother of Vinegar" that it contains go to the Braggs website or do a little googling. Then pick yourself up a bottle and try it out! Be sure to share your experiences with me as well! http://bragg.com/products/bragg-organic-apple-cider-vinegar.html
OH! One tip, after you're done shooting this stuff back, rinse your mouth with water. The acidity from the ACV can erode your enamel. Happy drinking!
Dear 2012, What a year we had, eh? We learned that ALOT can happen in a short amount of time and that it can change our lives forever. We also learned that it can be the best thing that ever happened. We learned what it was like to feel so out of balance that it became destructive. We then re-learned that we are in control of our happiness and only we can change our path.
We learned that making time for our significant others away from the daily grind is extremely important and that it needs to happen more often. We learned that making time for friends and family is also just as important and that it too needs to happen more often. We learned that the definition of family is whatever you want it to be and that blood relations aren't always part of the mix.
2012 we learned that I have far too many things I want to do and that I can't do them all at once. Maybe 2013 will have some ideas on how to be in more than one place at a time. ;) 2012, I will not forget the lessons you taught me. I will not forget the struggles which taught the lessons nor the people who helped me through them.
Dear 2013, we have alot of work to do. This year is the year of balance, not balancing on the ball and hoping to the Gods we don't fall off. This year there will be more date nights, more family nights, less computers and iPads. However this year there will be more photos, photo shoots, working on the previous items, and more learning. There will be more morning workouts, more dog walks, more eating to fuel my body instead of my emotions.
In 2013 I will love myself as much as I love others, stress less, be more, and do my very best at achieving the goals I have set for myself. Let 2013 begin!
I have been one whiney baby the last little while. I've been in such a funk, throwing a month long tantrum, honestly just wanting to drink wine, eat junk, and get fat. This is the person I was before I found bodybuilding, way before I started competing, and who I fight with every day.
I feel alot of people think that once you've "transformed" yourself, once you've made the decision to get healthy, work out, compete, etc, that it becomes easy to do, that it's second nature, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. I met Miryah Scott when she visited Winnipeg and had a brief conversation with her on how her inner fat girl (her words lol) tries to get the best of her every damn day. This coming from a woman who took 3 WBFF world titles consecutively in 3 years after having competed once before. Alot of her motivation, I assume, comes from having to keep fit for photo shoots, appearances, general schmoozing but I really don't think she would say it's ever easy, even now.
Bottom line, I'm so done with feeling sorry for myself and I am DEFINITELY done with this yoyo sh!t I've done for the last 3 years. This year though I had begun to try to find balance the scales tipped and I let life take me on a roller coaster ride. We made some not so good pit stops and I gained 10 more pounds than I wanted to post competition. Contrary to what you might think I don't, in fact, like doing the "My pants won't go past my ass" dance every morning. On the bright side my extra fluff is going to make some damn nice muscles and my ass will look fabulous strutting that Fitness Star Stage come April 2013. Oh, did I mention I'm competing?? Yup, you heard that right!! Come back tomorrow for my blog about Fitness Star International, the incredible show they put on in Winnipeg, and why I decided to hitch my waggon to their horses.
I have met some amazing people on my fitness journey. Heck one of them is now my best friend! I'm sponsored by an amazing, local, supplement company (*cough*gorillajack.com*cough*) who not only help me with my supplementation needs but my mental health too. lol I have a trainer who is not just my trainer but is also a good friend, supporting me through everything that's been going on lately. I have also become good friends with one of the top fitness photographers around, Pink Elephant Photography, who really stand behind and beside local and Canadian athletes. It's relationships like these that make this industry what it is. It's not the stage, it's not the trophies, it's the life long connections that come out of the experiences. The one thing that I have to remember with these connections is that the support doesn't end once you're off the stage, once you've stopped training for a bit, or once you've gained 20lbs again. ;) No these people, who are genuinely concerned with your well being, are still thinking of you even if you haven't talked in a while or haven't stopped by for a bit.
The prime example of the above is the lovely Casey, one half of Pink Elephant Photography, let me know that she had to unfortunately pass me over for a modeling job because of my current state of fitness, or non-fit-ness. While I was disappointed it was realization that I was still in her mind that made me re-think what I've been doing and not doing. What goals I have and what goals I really want to achieve. The stage is fun, the journey there can be taxing but when I get to the goal it's worth it. Modeling on the other hand is something I've always wanted to do but could never figure out how until 4 years ago when I became a part of the fitness industry. To know that I am on the minds of some amazing people for amazing opportunities is completely humbing, mind blowing, and a kick in the face all at the same time.
Right after Casey had told me about the opportunity I was yelling at myself in my head, all the while knodding and smiling and agreeing that it was THE perfect job for someone like me.*
*Like me meaning: In her 30's but still looks young enough to be 25 and not too ripped (when I'm fit) that I don't look unappealing to the target market*
All things considered, the fact that I missed out is really ok. Obviously I would have given my left boob or a toe to have done it but honestly it's ok. :) I've accepted that I'm taking the long way around. I have also accepted that I'm not the instant success story who becomes awesome over night and takes over the world. My style is a little more subtle, a little more Bruce Banner experimentation and less Hulk smash. The one thing I am sure of is that I have an amazing support team that extends much farther than I realized and I am extremely lucky to have it. And where normally I would use those facts to put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to do something incredible right away, I'm now directing it in a more "extended motivation" kind of way. These people are here for me year round. Training, not training. Sane, insane. As well as reminding me that I have the potential to achieve the things I set out to achieve.
After my last blog I was bombarded, no not the right word, inundated (there we go) with people commenting and messaging me words of encouragement as well as sharing their own private struggles and I really hope I sounded sincere over the interwebs when I said thank you because I truly and absolutely am. I'm not naive to think that I'm the only one struggling with what I'm hearing is now coined as "First World" problems, but sometimes people hide their struggles very very well. Rightly so I suppose, I just tend to have an issue with the filter part of my mouth/brain and use this form of media as therapy. :)
Since the last blog I have been beginning to add elements of my old routine back in to my life. Last week wasn't perfect (Sorry Ains) and this week may not be either but the way I see it I'm moving in the right direction. Thoughts of competing are still in my head however thankfully I am no longer filled with overwhelming thoughts of doubt and anxiety. I think something may have been released with the publishing of my last blog. Something I needed to get out and not just to my friends and family but to everyone. Sometimes I have moments where I think it was highly selfish and conceited to post all of it, that people would be assuming it was for attention, but then I remember all of the people who contacted me directly to tell me their trials and tribulations and I remember the motivation behind it all, behind everything I do. To help people by sharing my experiences. Sure this blog is a very small piece of the puzzle but if you're looking for subjects of conversation such as constipation, Carb Zombies, and non-evil Stepmothers, I've got you covered. It's the least I can do. ;)
