Tuesday, June 10, 2014

You Can't Eat Yourself Happy

Though it's sometimes fun to try isn't it??  Well it's fun right in the moment the junk food hits your taste buds but about an hour later (for me sometimes 2-3) you're sluggish, grumpy, and bloated. None of those words sound happy to me. 

It's been a while since I've blogged again, seems I have been internalizing a lot of crap.  On April 30th I had an umbilical hernia repair and I've been left with Frankenbelly and a wandering mind.

The scar itself isn't bad at all though I've never been concerned with scars on my body since I am no stranger to body marks.  However the internals of said scar and the affect it's had on my abdominal muscles is quite surprising.  I'm also constantly worried I'm going to damage something if I try to workout and it usually hurts the next day. I'm babying myself as I tend to when something hurts.  I have been trying to eat my emotions of not having a "summer body" away. The emotions of no longer fitting a size 5/6. The emotions of not being able to wear jeans to work because the pressure on my stomach hurts for days afterwards.  

The emotions of now having a belly button that looks like an anus. 

Don't get me wrong I am SUPER happy I don't have an alien coming out of my stomach anymore but was it entirely necessary to pull it so tight Doc??  

Anyway, I am in full pitty party mode. I have a 4 day outdoor music festival coming up at the end of the month and the thought of walking around in a bikini top is terrifying me.  But you want to know what I KNOW??? 


SURE I have more cellulite on my stomach than I've ever had but the Tim Horton's breakfast sandwiches for breakfast are not helping that situation are they???  REALITY is I'm a size 8. I have a 33-34"-ish waist when measured across my belly button but I'm still swollen from surgery. I'm 39" across the widest part of my hips but that's because I'm trying to build an ass not lose it by being a cardio queen.  I can't fit in to my size 5/6 clothes that I wore when I was 118lbs but I'm also 5'6" so being 118lbs results in me walking around looking like a bobble head. 

Bottom line I've been looking in the wrong places for self-esteem validation and I realized this weekend that it's best to clear out that shit. Sell it, give it away, whatever, but having it sitting in a rubber maid bin under my bed taunting me is not the right place for it.  Eating disorders come in many forms and I do believe I have one of them but being aware of it is one of the key points to getting past it.  :)

Monday, January 27, 2014

Menstrual Musings

Well it's been a while since the last posting so why not begin it with PMS talk! WOO!


Show of hands, who here has issues with "Flo" keeping her appointment dates? She's either late, or early, or keeps popping by for quick visits until your original date night actually comes?  Yeah.

See "normally" dates with Flo go like so:
Flo: HEY! It's our date night!!! I brought wine and some tylenol. :)
Me: Awesome, thanks! See you in 28 days!

For me lately it goes a couple of ways:

Example 1:
Flo: Oh heeeeyyyy! I can't make our date on the 30th so I'm just stopping by now.
Me: Umm, k. It's only the 27th but I'm available.....
Flo: AWESOME! *kicks me in the stomach*. Catch you later!!

Example 2:
Flo: Hey! I'm just stopping in to say hi real quick. I know our date isn't until the 31st but I missed you.
Me: Ummm, ok. Are you staying lo....
Flo: See you later!
*next day*
Flo: Hey! I'm just stopping in again to say hi!
Me: K, but our date isn't for another 4 days, could you just wait until then?
Flo: See you later!

And that goes on for another 4 days then the last part of Example 1 kicks in.

I did finally go and consult with the Doc. and he's sent me to a specialist which happens in March. Most likely it's a hormone imbalance (explains the mood swings) and hopefully it's a quick fix.  I have had everything else tested so this is the last thought. 

So ladies feel alone no longer! I too experience the inconsistent , fickle, friendship of "Flo".  I still thinks she plays favourites however......

Thursday, January 2, 2014

The 1 Year Bucket List

I think the term "New Years resolution" has gotten a bad name.  Simply because alot of people just don't follow through with what they have set aside to accomplish. This year I'm writing a physical list of things that I will be able to check off as I complete them.  I'm going to take it everywhere with me just in case a moment arises that allows me to do something on my list.  This will be my 1 Year Bucket List. 

This list is, at it's core, a list of actual goals I wish to accomplish this year. Things from establishing a core editing style photographically (see chantelledionephotography.blogspot.com for that side of me), to scheduling in family and friend time.  The things on the list can be as big or as small as you want I just feel that having a physical list, reminding me of the things I want my year to be filled with, will help me remember how I want this year to go. 

Now the list doesn't have to be finished in it's entirety this year (though that's the plan), some things will just simply take a little longer and that's fine.  The purpose is for me to have a guideline. It feels like I've just been running around doing things but not making real progress, not really enjoying life either. 

Ok, fine, I simply have a thing for lists. lol  Seriously, they're pretty awesome. ;)

So with all that being said, here's to a productive, purposeful 2014! What would be on your list? I'd love to hear. :)