Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Waste Not, Whine Not.

I have been one whiney baby the last little while.  I've been in such a funk, throwing a month long tantrum, honestly just wanting to drink wine, eat junk, and get fat.  This is the person I was before I found bodybuilding, way before I started competing, and who I fight with every day. 

I feel alot of people think that once you've "transformed" yourself, once you've made the decision to get healthy, work out, compete, etc, that it becomes easy to do, that it's second nature, but that couldn't be farther from the truth.  I met Miryah Scott when she visited Winnipeg and had a brief conversation with her on how her inner fat girl (her words lol) tries to get the best of her every damn day.  This coming from a woman who took 3 WBFF world titles consecutively in 3 years after having competed once before.  Alot of her motivation, I assume, comes from having to keep fit for photo shoots, appearances, general schmoozing but I really don't think she would say it's ever easy, even now.  

Bottom line, I'm so done with feeling sorry for myself and I am DEFINITELY done with this yoyo sh!t I've done for the last 3 years.  This year though I had begun to try to find balance the scales tipped and I let life take me on a roller coaster ride.  We made some not so good pit stops and I gained 10 more pounds than I wanted to post competition.  Contrary to what you might think I don't, in fact, like doing the "My pants won't go past my ass" dance every morning.  On the bright side my extra fluff is going to make some damn nice muscles and my ass will look fabulous strutting that Fitness Star Stage come April 2013. Oh, did I mention I'm competing??  Yup, you heard that right!!  Come back tomorrow for my blog about Fitness Star International, the incredible show they put on in Winnipeg, and why I decided to hitch my waggon to their horses.


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Friends In Places

I have met some amazing people on my fitness journey. Heck one of them is now my best friend! I'm sponsored by an amazing, local, supplement company (*cough*gorillajack.com*cough*) who not only help me with my supplementation needs but my mental health too. lol  I have a trainer who is not just my trainer but is also a good friend, supporting me through everything that's been going on lately.  I have also become good friends with one of the top fitness photographers around, Pink Elephant Photography, who really stand behind and beside local and Canadian athletes.  It's relationships like these that make this industry what it is.  It's not the stage, it's not the trophies, it's the life long connections that come out of the experiences.  The one thing that I have to remember with these connections is that the support doesn't end once you're off the stage, once you've stopped training for a bit, or once you've gained 20lbs again. ;) No these people, who are genuinely concerned with your well being, are still thinking of you even if you haven't talked in a while or haven't stopped by for a bit. 

The prime example of the above is the lovely Casey, one half of Pink Elephant Photography, let me know that she had to unfortunately pass me over for a modeling job because of my current state of fitness, or non-fit-ness.  While I was disappointed it was realization that I was still in her mind that made me re-think what I've been doing and not doing.  What goals I have and what goals I really want to achieve.  The stage is fun, the journey there can be taxing but when I get to the goal it's worth it. Modeling on the other hand is something I've always wanted to do but could never figure out how until 4 years ago when I became a part of the fitness industry. To know that I am on the minds of some amazing people for amazing opportunities is completely humbing, mind blowing, and a kick in the face all at the same time. 

Right after Casey had told me about the opportunity I was yelling at myself in my head, all the while knodding and smiling and agreeing that it was THE perfect job for someone like me.*

*Like me meaning: In her 30's but still looks young enough to be 25 and not too ripped (when I'm fit) that I don't look unappealing to the target market*

All things considered, the fact that I missed out is really ok. Obviously I would have given my left boob or a toe to have done it but honestly it's ok. :)  I've accepted that I'm taking the long way around. I have also accepted that I'm not the instant success story who becomes awesome over night and takes over the world.  My style is a little more subtle, a little more Bruce Banner experimentation and less Hulk smash.  The one thing I am sure of is that I have an amazing support team that extends much farther than I realized and I am extremely lucky to have it.  And where normally I would use those facts to put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to do something incredible right away, I'm now directing it in a more "extended motivation" kind of way.  These people are here for me year round.  Training, not training. Sane, insane. As well as reminding me that I have the potential to achieve the things I set out to achieve.  

Thank you. <3 

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Follow Up

After my last blog I was bombarded, no not the right word, inundated (there we go) with people commenting and messaging me words of encouragement as well as sharing their own private struggles and I really hope I sounded sincere over the interwebs when I said thank you because I truly and absolutely am.  I'm not naive to think that I'm the only one struggling with what I'm hearing is now coined as "First World" problems, but sometimes people hide their struggles very very well.  Rightly so I suppose, I just tend to have an issue with the filter part of my mouth/brain and use this form of media as therapy. :) 

Since the last blog I have been beginning to add elements of my old routine back in to my life. Last week wasn't perfect (Sorry Ains) and this week may not be either but the way I see it I'm moving in the right direction.  Thoughts of competing are still in my head however thankfully I am no longer filled with overwhelming thoughts of doubt and anxiety.  I think something may have been released with the publishing of my last blog. Something I needed to get out and not just to my friends and family but to everyone.  Sometimes I have moments where I think it was highly selfish and conceited to post all of it, that people would be assuming it was for attention, but then I remember all of the people who contacted me directly to tell me their trials and tribulations and I remember the motivation behind it all, behind everything I do.  To help people by sharing my experiences.  Sure this blog is a very small piece of the puzzle but if you're looking for subjects of conversation such as constipation, Carb Zombies, and non-evil Stepmothers, I've got you covered. It's the least I can do. ;)

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Living On The Edge

There comes a time when a person has to take a step back from the craziness of life and get perspective of what's going on around them.  This week I had to do just that.  A lot has happened this year, most of it within the last 4 months. Anyone who checks this babble from time to time will know what I'm talking about but for those just stopping by here's the run down.

In the beginning it was just my husband and I, roaming freely, all the time in the world.  Then we got a dog because we got a bigger house, and well I couldn't resist his cute furry face staring back at me from my computer screen.  We formed a new routine around the dog and it was working.  Then this past March circumstances arose that brought the possibility of us having my step son full time which did end up happening in June of this year.  All of a sudden I went from a fur mom to a full time step mom to a 13 year old boy. 

We were extremely happy and for my husband, who had been parenting for 13 years already, this change was a no brainer.  (or so it seemed anyway. Obviously there's learning curves) For me on the other hand, I had been spending the last year and a half training a dog to sit, stay and lay down.  The commands were simple! I remembered them, the dog remembered them (though he has selective hearing), we were good.  I knew nothing about parenting a human child minus the parenting I received from my own mother, whom I think did a pretty freakin good job by the way. ;)  So here's me, faced with the challenge of being a good role model, using the tools I learned from my mom, and hoping to the Gods I didn't screw anything up. 

I'm going to be straight up honest here (surprise I know!) and admit that I live with anxiety about alot of things all the time.  Simple things like money and driving to areas in Winnipeg I've never been to.  I handled it my own way, spending a whole day mapping out where I'd have to go.  Making sure if I got lost I knew the streets in and around the area I was travelling, printing everything off including street views if there are any for the buildings in the area, having all of my bases covered.  So when it came time to prepare for Stepmotherhood I did what I normally do, I tried to prepare. I tried to find books and articles about it that related to me, which is more difficult than you would think for my particular situation, and did you know that ALL Stepmothers are made out to be evil?? Seriously every book, article, all of it. I need to fix that.

Anyway, I'm rambling.  To get to the point my anxiety couldn't handle that there was nothing for me to prepare with. Nothing for me to have in my hands to refer to on this journey. I'd panick, have crying fits. I stopped working out so I could focus on adapting to our new situation because I couldn't figure out how to fit it in.  I can now honestly say I understand when people say "I don't have time to work out." Because  didn't.  And with not working out, the eating slipped and though my husband and I, who worked with me through all of my freakouts bless his heart, managed to squeak in a few workouts here and there, our original plan was no longer the plan.  We needed a new plan. 

In the midst of figuring out a new plan we got a new dog which was actually the best thing we could have done.  Before all of the above happened we were planning on it anyway and we decided to follow through.  He fit right in to our routine and has provided extreme comic relief in times of stress and for that I'm thankful.  As well as a new dog I started a new venture and decided to explore my love and apparent talent for photography.  I not only volunteer with a local rescue, Manitoba Mutts Dog Rescue, as a photographer but word has spread and I now have the pleasure of photographing engagements, weddings and families.  It makes my free time not so free but I am honored to be a part of the industry and hope to make more of a name for myself in the future.

Now let me get back to the first sentence of this long winded blog. If you made it this far I thank you for reading my story. :)  There comes a time when a person needs to take a step back from the craziness of life and get perspective of what's going on around them.  My original new plan was to start my MABBA competition training and head for the stage in 2013. I had fallen off the waggon and decided to start walking in my own direction, as per a previous blog, and I wanted to get back on the righ path.  I contacted my fantastic trainer, Ainsley McSorely, we put together a plan and the day after I got it, while I was shopping for groceries, I found myself having the all too familiar anxiety at the thought of competing amidst the craziness that is currently my life.  I was in the frozen veggie isle trying to decide between broccoli and green beans when the attack came and I was in a haze for the rest of the day.  I continued to have an internal battle with myself about whether to compete, whether I was mentally ready for that challenge and I came to a conclusion.

I'm not.

After sleeping on it and talking to my husband and my trainer I realized that, it's ok that I'm not ready! What's not ok is that I'm out of sorts from my routine, from the goals that I had set for myself.  So I have a new plan, a flexible plan, that will allow me to decide as I go what I want to do.  There is an extreme amount of opportunity coming to Manitoba in 2013 regarding the fitness industry so I will have the option of choosing what's right for me. I will still of course be working with Gorilla Jack on my supplement reviews and possible blogging which I am very much looking forward to.  Expect the same honesty there as you do here. ;)

Of course my hubby, as usual, is working with me towards similar goals.  He is my rock and I couldn't have gotten through alot of things without him so to have him as my spotter both in life and in the gym makes me feel extremely blessed.  Together we will get through the challenges life has brought us and come out of it bonded closer than ever.  Also I cannot forget my family and friends who listen to me blab on about all of my anxieties.  You could tell me to shut up because really, they're first world problems, but you don't. Thank you. :)

Thank you all who have made it to this point.  It's a long one I'm aware but there's alot to be said, alot I wanted to put out there.  One of my goals in life is to always be honest, regardless of the consequences, simply because that's who I am.  The more I put out there the more chance I have of helping someone who is going through the same thing and thought they too were alone.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Weighted Wagon

The phrase "On the wagon" actually originated in the late 1800s and was used to represent those who chose a sober life. The wagon was actually a water cart and it meant that people would rather climb it to quench their thirst than drown themselves in a bottle. Nowadays it's used in all sorts of variations and one in particular is the wagon of living healthy.  Today's wagon however seems to cause alot of stress in people's lives and we're constantly jumping off for that sweet treat or burger then spending the rest of the day sitting in the middle of the road feeling sorry for ourselves.  

Screw the wagon, I'm walking. 

I can happily say that I have picked my sorry ass up off that dirt road and started walking in the right direction. I have no intention of catching up with that wagon because it don't find it comfortable to ride.  Balance is an extremely hard thing to find in life and to me, constantly trying to keep up to someone else's wagon doesn't seem like the right way to go about finding it.

Stop chasing the wagon and start walking your own path, whereever it may take you.  The road blocks you may come across are ALOT easier to walk around than to drive around on that silly wagon. :)  

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Double Trouble

Well I'm happy to report that I'm getting back in to the regular routine of training and eating things that are natural to the earth. lol  (wine should be included in that by the way!) I am the first to admit, I have no balance currently when it comes to off season and in season life.  These are the challenges I face everyday, trying to win against the Procrastinator. I have only just finished year two of training, that's two years out of thirty one that I've conquered. I think that's pretty damn good.

With that being said I am also happy to report that I am not venturing in to 2013 on my own! Nope! My wonderful hubby has decided he is joining me on the road to Carb Zombie-ism! Seriously though I cannot be more excited.  Not only will it make training easier but dieting as well because this year I won't be forced to pick up chocolate chips for my husband's protein pancakes. *ahem* Love you honey.

My hubby has chosen to train online with Mr. Joseph Donnelly, a person I've only just come to follow but I can honestly say this guy knows his stuff. He offers an extremely reasonable online rate and TONS of information.  Despite being across the interweb, Joe is extremely hands on with his clients.  As for me I am going to be joining Oxygen's glute girl, Ainsley McSorely, once again on Team JACT for my 2013 competitive season.  Official training should be resuming in November ish but in the meantime I'll be following along with the hubster to make the transition of a 2 athlete household easier. 

Note to self: Look in to raising chickens and turkeys. Meat protein is too damn expensive.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Change Your Mind, Change Your World

I spent so long not realizing how simple it was to change the direction I was going in life. So freakin long!  Only after my first competition did it really click in my head that if I just changed my mind, broke my current pattern, I would be on a whole other path. 

Now my epiphany involved changing my lifestyle and getting healthy, that may not be the case with you.  But it seems to be the choice that makes THE BIGGEST difference in people's lives and the way they see it.  This morning I read the Facebook status of a friend who is now 1 year smoke free and 3 weeks ago he couldn't jog 2 laps around a track. Today he did 6 laps and I guarantee the moment he hit the 3rd and 4th lap, realizing he could still continue past that, was the moment he realized that by changing your mind you can change your world.

I did the same thing (again) this week.  Confession time!  I've been slacking, falling in to bad habits, letting life direct me instead of directing my life. We have had some changes in our household, I'm now a full time step mom to a 13 year old and we have just gotten ourselves another dog.  Crazy? Just about. Ha!  But just because the dynamics are changing it doesn't mean we have to sacrafice anything, it just means that we have to re-adjust our usual habits.  So this week I got back to eating my regular clean food, waking up in the morning for cardio, doing the things I was doing before everything changed. 

With the help of my awesome husband we are going to travel this new path with success. So much so that we are BOTH going to compete in March 2013.  It's going to be interesting, two people dieting in one household, but as long as I keep the Carb Zombie in check we will survive. lol

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Summer Spiral

Alot has been going on in the last month however alot of it is non-fitness related.  This is the one thing I haven't achieved balance on, my off season.  Summer arrives and it's bbqs and wine with friends and simple dinners and a whole lot of skipping workouts.  I currently feel like a big bag ol' pig poop smells.  :)  That being said I am in control which means I can change my current situation.  Starting tomorrow (because it's payday and I have to get groceries) I'm back on a squeaky diet with a treat once a week. Workouts will be back to normal with morning cardio regardless of how tired I am. 

Speaking of tired hubby and I are extra tired these days as we have added a new member to the family!  Meet our new pup Trek. He is 4 months and isn't too impressed with having to be kennel trained. lol 
We have a 1 1/2 year old pup as well who is just getting used to having a buddy and he's just as tired as we are since there's no sleeping for him during the day either.  Anyway, we managed with a pup while working out before and we'll manage again!  I have a ton of time in theory to make the changes needed for my competition in March 2013 but I feel like I've lost so much time already goofing around. 

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Cellulite Reality - Fit Girls Have It Too

It is thought that 80-90% of the adult female population has some level of cellulite, or so Wikipedia says.  I have it which means most of you reading this have it, and that also means that overly photo shopped biotch in that magazine you’re reading has it too.  There are multiple different factors that contribute to cellulite and NO it’s not solely from having excess fat.  You most likely got it from your momma!
Take me for example, I’m currently sitting at a healthy 135lbs, somewhere between 18-20% body fat (this is a TOTAL guestimate) with a decent amount of muscle mass.  However my fat cells are complete JERKS on my butt, legs, and stomach.  Actually to tell you the absolute honest to dirt truth I have yet to see my stomach completely dimple free! Yes this includes even after I’ve dieted down for competition.  What I’m getting at is, congratulations you’re a REAL FREAKIN FEMALE!  High five!
Seriously though short of sucking the fat out of me, which wouldn’t work anyway because, baby, I was born this way, there is nothing for me to do besides accept that this is who I am all year round and the sooner I love it the sooner I can check it off my “Sh!t I Don’t Give a Sh!t About” list. 
By the way who was the genius that coined the term “cellulite” in the 1920’s ANYWAY??  Way to go a$$hole, you’ve given women everywhere a complex for close to 100 years.  Oh and a big shout out to Vogue magazine for actually printing the term in black & white in the 60’s.  I’m pretty sure we would have been plenty happy staying completely ignorant to the fact that anything was apparently wrong.  If Marie Antoinette was happy eating cake I want to be too. ;)

Monday, May 28, 2012

Soldiering On

This weekend I had the privilage of freezing my butt off with hundreds of other people for the Royal Canadian Air Force Run.  I was there with my sponsors, Gorilla Jack, in our merchandise tent who also were raising money for the Soldier On foundation. If you don't know Soldier On helps out retired military personel and their families who have experienced permanent injury or illness while serving.  If you want more info you can go to the Soldier On website here. http://www.cfpsa.com/en/corporate/soldieron/index.asp

Anyway, the day couldn't have been worse weather wise. Actually I suppose it could have, it could have been snowing but instead we got heavy rains, gale force winds, and a temperature of about +3C. Despite the crappy conditions the spirits of the runners were still high. They were going to do what they came to do, and they did.  I have to admit it was highly inspiring to watch them march out with the bag pipers leading the pack, the rain pouring down, and not one backing down. 

It's days like yesterday that give me the little lifts that I've been needing lately. I've been making alot of excuses for eating bad foods and not working out and I know it's effecting my moods and my body of course. Some times I wonder if I'll ever have the crazy determination my friends do or even that the pros do.  It just seems like I can't keep the motivation once the competition is done.  I like to think it didn't come naturally to everyone who's soldiering on 24/7, I like to think I'm not the only one who struggles with everyday life. I'm pretty sure I'm right, but if I'm wrong don't tell me. Ignorance is pure bliss. lol

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Off Season ADD

As of right now I am exactly 2 months post competition.  I'm still up about 10lbs though my fluff level fluctuates depending on how much wine I've had the night before. lol  My brain is currently in summer mode and has NO desire to spend an hour or two in my basement busting out a workout. I seriously feel like I have ADD. Or for a better example I feel like I have the brain of my dog.  Or better YET the dog from the movie "Up". SQUIRREL! But instead it's saying "WINE!" or "BE LAZY!".  Bottom line, procrastination.  This is why I do NOT compete in the summer. In the winter it's cold, no one wants to be outside, there's no patios open in -20C, there's no lawn to mow, no sun to bask in.  On the down side who wants to be fluffy during bikini season??  So here lies my predicament. 

People are asking why I'm so hard on myself and it's because I want to do better this coming year competition wise.  I need a smaller waist which means I have to not gain so much damn fluff! If I can keep the gain to 10lbs it will be MUCH easier to squeeze out a 4 pack midsection. I managed a 2 pack and some obliques this year which means it's only going to get better.  I'm just trying to utilize my off season but so far I have managed to get some sporadic workouts in.  The good news is that I have control over this, only I can make it work. It's odd to say this but I have about 5 months until prep starts alllll over again. Crazy right?? 

Monday, May 7, 2012

Failing at Winning

Sometimes the best thing we can do in life is admit we're failures.  It gives you a great sense of perspective of where you really are and how far away you are from where you want to be.  I, ladies and gentlemen, am a failure.  I am completely failing at my off season goals.  I'm currently 10lbs up from my contest weight, which in retrospect is still pretty damn good. The goal was to stay within 5lbs of that weight but we all know how I feel about the scale. :)  With my weight goal failing I'm also failing at keeping any abs I attained.  This really makes me sad but this is changeable, I have control over this.  I'm back to waking up early for cardio, hitting the weights hard after work, watching my portions more closely, and trying not to enjoy my new wine fridge so much. lol 

Remember that just because you're failing doesn't mean it has to continue.  You have control over the direction you're going at all times. :)

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Word to Your Mother Nature

I’m going to preface this blog by saying if you don’t enjoying reading the following words, you may want to skip todays babble;
- Uterus
- Period
- Cramps
- Tampons

When it comes to dieting and training, especially competition training, women tend to have a harder time than men do at losing fat because, let’s face it, genetically we are just baby making factories.  Our bodies LIKE to be fat because regardless of whether we’ve closed down the factory or the factory simply came with the property; our bodies are prepping for opening day.  It has a check list and at the top in bold letters is FAT.  Ok well maybe UTERUS is at the top but fat is a close second.

In my experience (as well as talking with friends and other competitors) dear old Mother Nature and her factory get right pissed when competition training starts. Especially for Figure competitors and Bodybuilders because their body fat percentage is required to be A LOT less than us bikini girls.  With fat being high on the list for production, without it there’s no use in keeping the wheels turning.  That’s right ladies, no fat usually equals no period for months at a time.  Now I know you’re doing a happy dance at the thought of this and though I’ve never experienced a “cease and desist” on my period I have friends who have. I’ve been told of things like phantom periods where you still get all the cravings, cramps, bloating and general crabbiness but there’s no need to stock up on tampons.  Saving money? Yes.  Saving sanity, not so sure…..

As I mentioned I have not “been so lucky” to have the factory shut down during prep but my symptoms do become lessened, that is until I stop training so hard and a certain amount of fat settles back in and the factory is firing on all cylinders again.  For me the first post competition period is the worst.  I’m coming up to my second period post comp so I’ll see how this one goes compared to the previous one.  If it’s anything like last month’s you’ll find me on the floor curled up in a fetal position clutching a bottle of Advil. That or on the side of the road in the same position because driving was too painful. True story.

So why am I telling you all of this nonsense? Because some ladies aren’t aware and I am all about awareness on ALL subjects.  Plus it’s been a while since I’ve written a blog that makes people uncomfortable. J Listen, I’m not a pro and I’m certainly not a doctor but I have had some pretty great conversations with fellow competitors about their post-show period experiences.  It’s not something to worry about is what I’m trying to say. It’s just as common as constipation is with prep and well we all know I have enough experience on that subject to write a pretty good book. ;) 

The more you know about contest prep before jumping in, the better off you are in my opinion and the most honest information is usually the best information.  Anyone out there have experiences with disappearing periods? Feel free to share!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Do It Like A Dude

Ladies, I want you to take a look at your work out and tell me what it looks like.  For you competitive ladies, I know what it looks like but what about the rest of you?  Are you pushing yourself to top last week's weight or are you robotically lifting the same 10lb weights that you have been for the last 8 weeks?  Snap out of the fog and do something different! Have you ever thought of working out with your man? Not only will you be challenged to lift heavier you'll have someone to push you harder and spot you when you can't push anymore. Don't have a man? Than lift like a man on your own!

So many women STILL think that lifting heavy is going to cause them to spontaniously combust into a masculine looking version of themselves. Where have you been lately???? Nevermind lately, how about even the last 5 years??? With magazines such as Oxygen, and Muscle & Fitness Hers, there is straight up proof that lifting will get you nothing but that sculpted body your 5-10lb weights never will.  That being said I am in no way knocking the girls who are starting out using those 5-10lb dumbbells. But CHALLENGE yourself each week to beat the last weight you lifted.  Track it in a note book or on your iPhone or iPad which I now do. (and have made fun of in the past lol) You're going to be sore as heck the next day which means you're growing those lovely girly muscles and on your way to getting the bodies you have posted up on your motivational boards. 

Lift heavy, eat clean, grow girly muscles. In the words of my favorite Canadian comedian Russel Peters; "Take it and go!"

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

It's BBQ Season!!

For you competitors in the south I'm sure you get your BBQ on year round, but for us cold blooded Canuks you'd have to bribe us with a trip to Mexico just to get the BBQ shoveled out of the snow bank on the deck.  Unless you're hard core, and I know there are some of you out there, in which case BBQ on!

For me, though I could eat BBQ'd chicken all day long and NEVER get tired of it, it still isn't a driving force to break out the snow boots and BBQ in -40C.  Which is why I am currently SO excited about the bounty of BBQ gracing my tastebuds!  Chicken, steak, and my all time fave BBQ'd yams!!  We cook them just like a potato, in foil, but we cut them in to 1/4 pieces and wrap them in the foil that way it doesn't take until fall for them to cook. ;)

So if you're currently getting completely disgusted by your baked chicken break out ye old BBQ and get grillin! If you don't have one, stoke up the fire pit, grab an oven grate and have at it! Or if you're completely desperate, I've seen a shopping cart gets the job done too. ;)

Happy grilling!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

How The Carb Zombie Got Her Groove Back

Don't let anyone ever tell you that things are easy post competition, because they're not. Not even for the people who have sponsors for everthing from their supplements to their underwear and spend all day working out.  The difference between those people and the rest of us folk is that they're paid to eat chicken and tuna and workout 5 hours every day while I'm paid to sit at a desk, filling orders from customer who phone my company. 

What I'm getting at is that the "beautiful people" have a driving force to keep eating clean, to keep hitting those workouts long after the tan has worn off.  As where we go back to work, back to life, and in most cases back to slacking off and eating crap.  This is where I'm currently at.  I lost my groove so I had to go find it.  I decided to go look in an actual gym with one of my jacked girl friends who is less than 2 weeks out from competition.  She kicked my ass all over the place and my groove was found!  I think some time in the future I'll get myself a gym membership simply because I'm limited with what I have at home and to keep things different and motivating so I don't get bored.  In the meantime, I'll still pick up heavy things and put them down in my basement but take the occasional trip outside of the cage with a friend or my hubby. :)

Any at home lifters out there? What do you do to keep yourself motivated?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The (wo)Man In The Mirror

Do you ever stop and think about what keeps you from doing the things you dream about? The things that consume most of your conscious and probably all of your unconscious thinking?  Would you believe me if I said YOU were the problem?  Not your parents, not your job, not even your significant other. It's you. 

Being a true procrastinator this fact took me a long time to figure out. Only over the last 2 years have I put this knowledge in to practice and even so it's something that is easier said than done.  I mean how do you tell yourself day after day it's your own fault if you're not getting up in the morning to work out or that it's your own fault for not prepping food and instead ate pizza all week?  (that last one has no reference to me fyi lol) Staying in your comfort zone is safe, it's easy, and it requires no risk.  It also can leave you horribly miserable (and full of pizza) because you feel like you're going no where.  

Now I can hear some of you saying "I can't do this. I have (insert the best excuses EVER) holding me back"  This is where you are completely WRONG. Remember what I said at the beginning of this blog? The problem is what?? Oh right, YOU.  So since you're the problem who can fix it? That's right, YOU!  My favorite quote that I like to think I made up myself but very well may have paraphrased from something else is:

The moment you believe in yourself is the moment ANYTHING is possible.

Take a good look at yourself, listen to your own excuses, laugh at them, and move forward.  Start small and slowly progress towards your goals whatever they may be.  When you start to believe that you in fact do have control in your life, you'll be amazed at where you can go. :)

I speak from complete experience on this matter. Like I said it's taken me a while to accept this reality and have only recently started putting it in to practice but I have managed to do some great things since I have.  Try it out, the only thing you really have to lose is your fear of the unknown but you have so much more to gain.

Friday, March 30, 2012

It's My Party

Thirty one years ago today at 10:45am I graced the world with my presence.  We always joke that I arrived just in time or breakfast since I have never been able to go without it.  Alot of people think I'm crazy when I talk about my birthday like it's the best thing in the world, like it's Christmas.  I like to throw myself parties, buy a fantastic cake, and invite all of the people who have helped make the last year what it was.  Why? Because I can.

I have to say I've really been enjoying getting older.  Slowly you figure out who you are, what you believe in, what you don't, how you want people to perceive you, and ,eventually, that you don't care if people don't like what you come up with. With each passing year I learn something more about myself, about my husband, about the world, and I'm thankful for that.  I view my birthday not as adding another year to the toll, but as another year I have been given to explore my surroundings. To be thankful for what I've been given and what I've worked hard to get.   

So thank you to everyone who has been a part of this past year and to everyone who will be a part of the next one.  I genuinely look forward to what is in store!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

New Monkey in the Barrel!

For those of you who creep my Facebook page this will be old news but since there are people who actually follow this babble (thank you so much by the way) I wanted to share the news here as well!!

Yesterday an official announcement was made by Gorilla Jack Supplements here in Winnipeg (also the people behind the competition I just did) that I am to be their new Lab Monkey and columnist!!!!  This means I will be testing products, integrating them in to my existing training, and giving you the good, the bad, and the ugly honest truth on what I think of them. I am unsure of the details as of where these tid bits will be posted, most likely at http://www.gorillajack.com/ but don't worry your pretty little biceps I will make sure to post all the info here as well.

Thank you all again for following along and giving your input. You have helped me get to this point, I couldn't have done it without you! And thank you to the monkeys at Gorilla Jack for accepting and valuing the one thing I value the most in myself; my honesty.  It has taken me a long time to accept this trait and though I'm still learning how to use it, I promise to do right by you. :)

Wednesday, March 21, 2012


Well congratulations, you did it! You conquered that stage, possibly won a trophy, possibly didn't win a trophy, but who cares?!?!  The sheer joy you felt when your family and friends cheered your name as you crossed that stage was trophy enough.  However in between pints of ice cream and plates of yam fries you find yourself taking too long looks in the mirror at your changing body. The tan is wearing off with each shower and your body is still trying to figure out what to do with all the water you’re drinking again which means you can’t see your abs anymore.  You’re missing most of the eyelashes on your right eye from two sets of false lashes in 2 days and your glue on nails are coming off with every key stroke.  All of it is making you sad and depressed which means more ice cream. 

Put down the Haagen Dasz darling and put your big girl panties on.

Welcome to Bluesville! The place where most of us newbies dwell for a while after the high of competing wears off.  A lot of questions are formed in Bluesville.

“What do I eat now?”
“How do I train now?”

“How do I stop feeding my face with junk so my body doesn’t explode now??”

I have one word for you: breathe. It’s going to be ok!  The first step is to reign in your junk food intake; it’s making your issues worse. Not only is it causing extreme bloating and body shock, but it’s affecting your moods by aiding to your depressed mental state.  The second step is to talk to your trainer (if you had one) about off season eating.  He or she can put together an off season plan for you to follow while your brain wraps itself around the current situation.  Next, focus on your off season goals. Do you even want to compete again? If so, what areas do you have to work on?  Tailor a training regimen to those goals using exercises already you know then think outside of the box once you’re comfortable. 

The last thing to remember is that after all of the intense competition prep training, your body needs a break.  Take at least the whole week off from the gym after your competition to let your body rest.  Keep yourself on track by sticking to clean eating principles and keeping the indulgences to one meal, not the whole day.  Be proud of what you’ve accomplished and don’t forget about how hard you worked to get here! 

Monday, March 19, 2012

Post Show Musings

Well it's over, finished, caput!  The last 5 months have led up to one long assed day and now it's done!  Let's get the thing most people want to know out of the way: I did not place. I don't even know my placing however I was called out close to last so that could mean anything based on the results. We will have to wait!  Am I sad about not placing, I think everyone is to a degree however the competition I was up against was insane.  I had 19 girls in my class.  19!  And you have to narrow that down to 5?  I would not have wanted to be a judge at all.  I am however proud of my progression from last year and that's really what it's all about isn't it?  Constantly improving, progressing, being better than before. So that's what it's going to continue to be about.  I want to have an off season that sees less bad weight gained and more good weight.  I would rather not loose 20lbs every time I compete thankyouverymuch! lol 

Now to some pictures!! I was part of an amazing team of girls who transformed before my very eyes and stepped on that stage with me! Such an awesome day hanging out with everyone.

Over all my experience in this new class was great! I think I need to add a little more flare to my posing as that was seems to get higher marks when girls are close body wise but that will just take some practice I think. :)  I'm not sure what my plans are next besides getting back to normal clean eating, gaining some muscle without gaining my weight back like last year, and just enjoying the summer!  Thank you to everyone who made this weekend possible.  I look forward to the future and what it may bring. :)

Thursday, March 8, 2012


Yesterday was probably the second most stressful day of my life. The first being when my dad had his stroke 2 years ago.  But this blog isn't about the details of the cause, this blog is what I decided to do with the stress.

The old Chantelle would have grabbed a bottle of wine on the way home. Scratch that, a box, because then it would be in the fridge where I could then make the excuse of "Well I can't let it go to waste" and have a glass ever day until it was gone.  After I grabbed the wine I would then head to the local restaurant for something, anything, that would satisfy the out of control feeling I had and make sure I picked up dessert for later. 

So yesterday, being 10 days out from my competition I asked myself, "What Would NEW Chantelle Do??"  New Chantelle has been busting her ass since November to step on stage in 9 days and rock the socks off of everyone.  New Chantelle doesn't get carbs until Saturday and sure as hell doesn't get wine until she has walked off that stage on the 17th. Actually new Chantelle gets wine on the 16th for her pre show carb up but that's besides the point.

Yes I know I'm talking about myself in third person.

Anyway, yesterday I decided to rise above my stress. Drink my protein shake as I was supposed to and eat my scheduled last meal like I was supposed to.  Was it as easy as that? No. I am an emotional eater but the difference now is that I KNOW I am. I recognize the triggers and I conciously decide what to do with my emotions.  The more I do this, the better I get at it, and the proof is in the protein pudding.  Will every situation be like this one? No. I won't always have a competition in 9 days to snap me back to reality but mentally I have to act like I do. 

So ask yourself today should stress present itself to rain on your parade, what would the new you do? 

Monday, March 5, 2012

The Home Stretch

I am officially 12 days out from competition and sadly I'm ready to be done. I'm not sure where this frame of mind is coming from, it's not that I'm not excited for the competition I just think it's the Carb Zombie getting the best of me.  While I'm ready to step out on that stage and rock the sh!t out of it, I'm also ready to get back to my regular clean eating. Protein pancakes for breakfast, greek yogurt and berries for snack, portobello mushroom burgers for supper!! I'm starting to miss my regular clean eating but I know this has been worth the "sacrifice".

Ok, now that I've finished whining we can get back to business.  This week will be my first full week thus far without any carbs. Minus my peak week trial.  I am SO thankful that my trainer, Ainsley McSorely, was able to read my body well enough to know it needed some carbs this far out.  I haven't had to endure alot of carb free days like most other people.  That being said it doesn't make it any harder. Aunt Flow is starting to make herself known, of course it would be my luck that she would visit the week of my competition. Can we say string check before going out on stage? hahaha!!

Since I seem to have a bit of OCD I've started making lists of what needs to be accomplished at the end of this week/beginning of next week.  Friday is shopping day, to get all of the groceries I'm going to need. This includes the food/treats for during/after comp which means I'm going to have to hide them until competition day.  Next week I'll also spend some time putting together my outfits for the Inside Fitness photoshoot on March 16th. I am not only excited because the shoot is for Inside Fitness and Terry Frendo is going to be there but I get to hang out with my favourite photographers, Casey & Jojo from Pink Elephant Photography! I seriously love these guys. Like banana protein pancakes with chocolate chips, love them. :)  They are great at what they do, especially when working with new athletes. 

With Saturday being my last assessment/posing class and Sunday marking the first day of my peak week this week is important.  Despite the fact I'm sore and tired, I have to keep my focus.  It's very easy at this point to let my guard down and slip up. 

Monday, February 27, 2012

Mind Tricks

20 days until comp day. 13 days until I start my peak week.  I am currently spending WAY more time than a person should on Pintrest drooling over the food porn however, I have a feeling it's still way less than others. This past weekend was the worst fight I've had with my Carb Zombie brain in a while.  My measurements and weight were all up slightly after Saturday's assessment and being an emotional eater it took everything I had left not to dive into something, anything, resembling anything other than what was on my diet plan.  I did however come up with a super fun concoction yesterday. I combined my afternoon/evening protein shake with my evening cottage cheese ration, a little water, some splenda, froze it and gobbled it like I would any ice cream.  Flavor of choice: Allmax Iso Flex Chocolate Mint.  It completely curbed the Carb Zombie and completely made me happy.  Another option is to add almond milk instead of water which will have to try sometime. I wouldn't mind perfecting the recipe as an alternative to ice cream for off season. I may have to also do some testing with the frozen banana "ice cream" as well post comp. (frozen bananas + blender = YUM)

Anywho, I'm trying hard to stay focused in these last few weeks. I've decided to take the full week off before the competition since the water load had that lovely cleansing effect and I think it's best I spend most of my time in my own bathroom as opposed to the one at work. It's not good for productivity that's for sure.  Next week I think it's time to start thinking seriously about post competition eating though I know my trainer will help me with this. Last year I thought I had done ok, and to some degree I did but I'd rather not gain 10-15lbs again. While I have a laundry list of food I'd like to consume I know it's just the Carb Zombie talking. 

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

(Don't) Let Them Eat (Cup) Cake(s)

Who knew something so small as a cupcake could have such power over the brain? Ok, well everyone knows I suppose. 

Like most offices we celebrate co-worker's birthdays with the usual confections; cake, cupcake, cheesecake, etc etc.  Today happens to be a co-worker's birthday and guess what is sitting in our lunch room??? Those cute little cupcakes from Safeway that sit behind the glass, because they're too fabulous to be in a generic box, waiting for someone to take them home. 

Cue the sheer white knuckle panic attack.

It took 3 friends and my husband to talk me down from the ledge today after which I sped off to Starbucks for an Americano with SF vanilla syrup.  I just may need to buy stock in Crest White Strips after this prep so I can make back a little money on having to brighten up my smile. 

With my Carb Zombie in full effect today I shall only be going back in to our lunch room to fetch the groceries I have placed in our fridge at the end of the day. Oh and to get things off of the printers, but that's IT! 

Carb Zombie: 0
Me: 1

Monday, February 13, 2012

Crunch Time

I am in it, that's for sure. lol  4 weeks, 5 days until show day but techinically only 4 weeks to really make any kind of last ditch effort to make changes.  I've been having some bloating issues as of late but I have added some probiotics to the mix in hopes of helping my digestion.  "Things" have slowed down again which could be the main cause for the bloating and no amount of prunes is going to save me.  It may be time for a shot of my natural psyllium fiber tonight as an extra "GTFO" measure. ;) 

Lately it's been hard to get my head right craving wise.  Not only because of dieting but it seems the older I get, the worse my PMS symptoms get, and the crankier I get for a full 7 days a month.  And this is before Aunt Flow even shows up! It's like a week long pre-gamer for the worst party ever.  However I have initiated operation "Suck It The F*** Up" this week and shall tell myself that whenever I start to whine about something. 


I'm starting to think more about post competition, what will happen IF I place, will I do Provincials in June, and if I don't place how I'm going to cope with not eating broccoli and fish every day. lol I am SO looking forward to going back to eating like a normal fit person.  Of course I have some cheats I'd like to get out of the way but a nice bowl of greek yogurt and raspberries is still pretty high on the list.  I miss my protein pancakes for breakfast, I miss fruit, but this is what we let go of for a short time to get ripped and walk around in a bikini on stage right?  It's all going to taste even better with an overly busty resin trophy beside me too. ;)

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

8 (litre) Mile

I'm going to preface this with a warning to those who don't like talk about bodily functions etc. I have learned thus far that there are at least 20 people going through the same thing that I am at any given time so I like to share my experiences in full. :)

That being said, yesterday was the first day of my 1 week out diet trial which required me to consume 8 litres of water.  Yup, you read that right, 8.  2 gallons for my southern friends.  It's a daunting task at first. I came in to work on Monday with two 4L jugs of water and explained to my boss that I have to drink them therefore there may be a few more bathroom breaks than normal.  What I wasn't prepared for was my body to react as if I was downing a liquid laxative!!!  I haven't experienced something like this since I had to take that stuff doctor's give you before you go in to surgery to "clear you out".  On the bright side, I now know what to do should I ever become constipated again.  Say no to magnesium and yes to simple water. :)

At the end of this week I have an fantabulous cheat meal planned (as awarded by my fantabulous trainer)!  I have chosen banana and dark chocolate chip protein pancakes, possibly with a swipe of nutella and/or peanut butter. lol  There also may be some turkey bacon on my plate.  Now some people may be thinking "That's not a cheat meal!?!" Ooooooh yes it is!!!!  I salivate every morning when my husband makes his banana protein pancakes plus anything not on my meal plan constitutes as a cheat. Therefore, TOTAL cheat to make my Carb Zombie brain happy!

Happy dieting Carb Zombies! Less than 7 weeks before us Manitobans hit the stage!!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Yes, I Am A Bodybuilder

I will be the first to admit I had prejudices about the Bikini catagory when it first arrived on the scene. In fact, someone could even call me a hypocrite now because it's the catagory I am currently striving to compete in.  The fact is the Bikini catagory in bodybuilding shows is still not taken seriously as an actual catagory that deserves included.  It wasn't until I competed last year in Figure that I truly understood the purpose of the Bikini catagory and why I belonged there. 

Having been training since November for my new catagory I can now actually give a first hand account of what it's like to train as a Bikini competitor compared to a Figure competitor.  So, what is the difference?


So many times I have read people complaining that Bikini was an "easy out" for a competitor and that the catagory had no place a "real" bodybuilding shows.  I never went as far as to say it never had a place but I admit, I did have a preconceived notion that it was easier.   Well it MUST be right?  We have less muscle than Figure, we're softer than Figure, this means there must be less work!  That statement is so far from the truth!!!

I workout 6 days a week using REAL weight until my body parts BURN just like a bodybuilder.  I eat 6 clean meals a day just like a bodybuilder, all packed up in my 6 Pack bag just like a bodybuilder.  I'm going to deplete my water, carb load my body, and paint myself the color of copper, just.like.a.bodybuilder.  So when I tell someone that I bodybuild, or that I am a bodybuilder I say it with conviction because by definition this is what I am! This is what I do! I choose to have it define me, just like a bodybuilder.

This is dedicated not only to my fellow Bikini competitors near and far, but to those who have the same preconceived thoughts as I once did.  This sport should bring us together not pull us apart. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Live To Eat or Eat To Live?

I'm pretty sure since the very first time the word "food" was spoken, life has revolved around it.  Food, as well as alcohol, has been the main focus of socialization for as long as any one can remember and we have habitually adapted to that social standard.  Now this wasn't a horrible thing back in the times where we were doing hard labor i.e. working our lands by hand, but these days there's alot less movement going on.  I don't know what the statistics are but I'm going to bet the majority, as well as myself, are currently working seditary jobs.

The above thought came after I read that southern food queen Paula Deen has officially been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. To be honest it's no surprise. I've watched her show and coined her the queen of "food porn" because she is not afraid of using traditional ingredients.  Since her diagnosis she has teamed up with a drug used to manage diabetes stating:

I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. I'm excited to team up with Novo Nordisk on this initiative to show others that managing diabetes does not have to stop you from enjoying the things you love"

Now I'm not a doctor but I'm pretty sure a change in diet is recommended by doctors in order to reverse your diagnosis of diabetes.  People think they have to live with the disease but I have seen proper nutrition and exercise reverse diabetes. I'm definitely interested to see how she does with this new drug she's endorsing. She obviously has no plans to reverse the diagnosis.

Through my whole clean eating journey I have come to learn that there is more to life than eating food.  I know that sounds contradictive as I'm right in the middle of my contest prep and I count down the hours until my next feeding time however I have heard so many comments from people in the same position as me talking about how upset their loved ones get when they refuse to over indulge with them.  Refusal of food has now become the ultimate insult in some circles and it's unnecessary.  Calculating how well you live your life by how much you have eaten is a sad sad slope that too many people are sliding and I for one won't follow. 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Me, Go To The Gym? Nope!

It's absolutely true that I don't have a gym membership. This is something I established very early in my bodybuilding journey. Note the name of this blog: The Diary of a Procrastinator.  This is a VERY telling fact about me. I am so true to the word that the thought of driving to get to the gym makes me not want to do it.  This was the problem I faced in the beginning, even when the gym was down the street from my work!  Alot of people I come in to contact with are the exact opposite. They need the gym, the vibe, the energy, the distraction from their hour of cardio.  For me this is what a 19" TV mounted on a floor/ceiling beam and The Food Network are for! :) 

This all being said, things might be different now if I were to give the gym a chance, but since my husband and I invested in our own gym equipment over 6 years ago, it's become quite part of the norm to be happy with working out at home.  We even have a whole floor dedicated to our equipment which we are just starting to finish the renovations on.  Personally I love being able to do my thing in whatever manor I want and not worry that I can't superset something because someone is on a bench I need, or being slightly self consious if the broccolli I ate is coming back to haunt me if you know what I mean.  I have mini dance parties between sets and though I can make a fool of my self as well as the next groovin chick, I enjoy my space, my zone.

I am proud to be a home fit body, going against the norm, yet still producing fantastic results.  Don't get me wrong, I love gyms. They keep me going when I'm away from my "Dungeon" as I call it but I'm proud to show people it is possible to get a competition figure with the right equipment and dedication. And maybe even a little procrastination. ;)

Saturday, January 7, 2012

The Carb Zombie hides in the shadows.....

Anyone who has been following along for any length of time knows I have coined myself The Carb Zombie during prep. Instead of brains I call for GGGRRAAAAIIIINNNSSSS. ;)  However it came to my attention yesterday, one of the hardest days during prep I've ever had AND a FULL day of carbs, that my inner Carb Zombie is STILL there!!!!  Oh yes, she is hiding in the shadows, never statisfied eventhough all we're eating alllll day is carbs.  She wants MORE, oh yes, LOTS more.  So MUCH MORE that it left me so incredibly hungry last night.  On the bright side, I can officially see more of my abs this morning than ever in my life. 

Today I'm totally on track. It's protein all day and though I slept in (the sleep was totally needed for my aching body) I am making sure to eat in 2 to 3 hour increments.  Luckily hubby and I are working on The Dungeon (our home gym) renos today which helps my mind stay off of food I shouldn't be eating.  We are exactly 10 weeks out today and there is NOTHING standing in the way of me and that stage. Not even my Carb Zombie. :)