Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The Perfection Problem

Man I am on a ROLL! I don't blog for a month and now it's all I think about. :)  What is the inspiration you might ask? For those of you not stuck being my friend on Facebook therefore forced to see me posting things, it's the post competition blues.  Yes I haven't even gotten to my competition yet but I'm already thinking about afterwards.  I'm starting to realize, no not starting to I already realize this, I am taking more stock in the fact that, it is THE MOST important part of this whole process.  What is the point of spending 4 months dieting and working out for literally one day of fabulousness only to let it blow up (literally as well) when the day is finished?  I let stress get the best of me last year and I spent weeks in horrible physical pain.  My boobs felt like they were going to EXPLODE as the water, the fat, and whatever else leaves my boobs when I diet, came rushing back extremely angry. 


Whilst creeping Facebook over my lunch hour I was directed to the page of Brooke Erickson, an IFBB pro Figure competitor. Also a nutrition specialist AND a mother who has managed to find complete and utter balance in her life.  A balance I am 100% envious of and vow to find this year.  In her very first vlog she talks about the Perfection Problem that encapsulates us all, particularly women, and particulary women that compete in Bodybuilding type events.  Though it does make a good point to everyone, including males.  This vlog is complete perfection and her genuine way of putting it in to words is too.  It had me crying at my desk at the end while she was staring right in to that camera and telling me to not strive for perfection, to be happy with who I am. That it's perfectly ok to not have a melt down should I not get my workout in one day.   But to work out because I want to be healthy, do it because I love it and progress.  She might have thought it was rambling but I could have sworn is was the word of a Goddess, I'm not going to lie. lol  I don't know why the lightbulb didn't make the connection before but it's starting to now and that's all that matters.  :)

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Unanswered Questions

I know this will be my second blog today however I have been seeing ALOT of posts regarding metabolic damage and eating disorders etc etc lately and it has me really doing a head check. 

Disclaimer: this is in no way reflective on my trainer, this is just me spouting off my current fears which are being discussed with said trainer. 

This is me asking myself a very honest question:

"What the hell are you doing to your body?" 

It's a good question, right?? You damn right it is!!  The answer is, I don't know. I truly don't know what all this dieting is doing to my body but I do know what it's doing to my brain.  

I have always had a relatively unhealthy relationship with food, I think in a way we all have and do.  We relate it to memories, emotions, dates in time. A simple smell can bring you back to any given moment at any time.  Being a woman I am stereotypically emotionally attached to food.  The biggest trigger is stress but happiness seems to have the exact same effect on my brain.  

In 4 weeks I'll be faced with yet another post competition time period and another chance to do things properly. To transition back in to life without blowing my body up.  Last year, I had and blogged about the same plan and then life's stresses came in and took over.  I let them.  And it hurt. The physical pain was pretty bad actually.  Needless to say I didn't take the time to add my previous foods slowly back in to my everyday diet.  

Why isn't there more plans for this???  More conversation about what happens when you're through dieting for a show??  We spend so much time preparing only to leave the last leg of the journey to chance.  So much hard work for what?

A pint of ice cream, a giant Reese's Peanut Butter Easter Egg, a burger loaded with fries and gravy on the side, more chocolate, a bottle (or 2) of wine, a bag of chips, and a trip to kiss the porcelain God, that's what.  

Fun right?  

Let me leave you now with this video on Metabolic Damage by Layne Norton. One of these best videos I have seen on the subject.  


32 days

As I get closer to my competition on April 20th I find myself not focusing so much on the competition but what comes after.  The after is always what scares me the most because it's HARD. I will be the first to admit I have no idea what to do besides eat. Which is NOT what you're supposed to do after dieting hard for 5 months. lol  Jumping right back in to eating even normal clean foods can hurt just as much as jumping back in to eating junk.  This I've learned twice now.  Once again I have worked hard to build a body I'm proud of and once again I'm scared that my old habits are going to cause me to lose it. 

Now that the "whoa is me" part of the show is finished let's get to the happy part! lol I AM excited for the show. I'm excited to be able to do this with my husband as well.  I think with both of us having to deal with the post show rebound it's going to keep us both on track.  I am also excited to travel for a show. It's only 2 hours away but I haven't experienced a show away from my house. I've been able to tan myself in my own bathroom, leave an ass tan ring on my own toilet, dirty my own bed sheets.  Basically just get tanner everywhere and really not have to worry about a damage deposit. lol There are going to be MANY challenges this time around with the main one being, don't mess up the hotel room. lol  I also get to travel with my team, Team JACT which I think is going to be a great experience as well.

Anyway with 32 days to go it's time to focus on getting through the next 4 weeks and on to the rest of the year.  On to the rest of LIFE.  It's time to change my relationship with food and stop living life around it.  :)

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Pinholes, Perogies, and Countdowns

I'm at that point in my prep where I honestly have nothing to say. It seems to happen I've noticed as my concentration gets closer to pinhole tunnel vision.  I know I haven't blogged as much this time around as usual and maybe it's because I've been in the pinhole the entire time.  I akin it to something that the characters in The Vampire Diaries talk about from time to time. YES I am a teenage angst fan but that's beside the point.  The vampire characters in the show are able to "turn off" their humanity.  I've basically mastered the ability it seems to turn off my Carb Zombie-ism. ;)  And with being able to do that I've basically turned off my ability to view things as funny.  My ability to then write about the hilarity of week long constipation just isn't there. lol  I can however write about the hilarity of the now perogi-stapled-to-a-wall-like appearance of my breasts.  Breasts are fat and minus the fat, well, you get the picture.  HOWEVER this means I am on the right track and not being able to fill up my bra makes me oddly happy right now.

We are currently 44 day or just under 6 1/2 weeks away from the Fitness Star Brandon Manitoba competition.  Let the countdown begin!